Family,  Sex & Relationships

Reflections on the Choices Some Young Women Make – Letters to my Sistah(s)

Dear sister,

How are you doing today? I am okay. How was the club last night? Yeah I saw you with your girls. You were in the middle of the dance floor grinding on each other, making all the thirsty guys who don’t know their head from their a** drool with excitement.  Then you went to the bar and did shots of patron with your girls acting a fool.

woman_at_bar11 Opinionated Male

I over heard you saying something about your momma watching the baby tonight; your grandmamma watching the baby two nights ago; and how you trynna get one of their fathers to watch both of the kids so you can hit up the club tomorrow. Now don’t get me wrong I am all for a good time,..but when you act as though you are just itching to take the first man who says, “boo” to your home, it makes me wonder.  When you abandon your children just to drop it like it’s hot several nights a week, it makes me wonder. How’s that amaretto sour tasting?…Good?

Woman studying in classroomDear sister,
How’s it going? I see that you were doing well in school, but recently your grades have dropped. Why? You’re a senior, no time to waste. I heard you have been dating that guy down the hall, but isn’t he 20 and a junior?  I remember you sobbing to your friends because he cheated on you with a couple of girls in the school and you fought them, just for him. He apologized to you and everything was cool,…for a hot second anyway.

The next time I saw you, you had a small bruise. You said it was ok when asked, but you told your girls he hit you.  Two days later you’re talking to him in the hallway and he’s telling you how sorry he is and how much he loves you,…and you ate it up with a spoon. Why?  He can’t help you with any of your studies. He’s not working but gets money somehow. And the whole world knows what type of drawers he’s wearing because he can’t seem to keep his pants up. And as long as he gives you some penis or takes you out somewhere, you seem to tolerate this. Again I ask why?

singlemothers Opinionated MaleDear sister,
Hey, how goes it? I saw you yesterday in the cold, running down the street with your baby in its stroller and the other one clinging to your left arm. Oh, they had a doctor’s appointment and you were running late. You were helped on the bus by a good Samaritan and when you sat down we engaged in small talk. During our conversation you mentioned that one of their fathers has another family of his own, so he barely bothers with you. The other didn’t have any gas in his car to come pick you guys up and take you, after he promised you the night before. Oh, I see.

You aren’t with either of them, but every so often you go see him, or he comes over to “get a piece”. And sometimes he hits you off with $50.00 here and there.  He hasn’t given you any money in a month, and you were backed up in paying the baby sitter.  So help me understand this: you have two kids by two different men; you’re working 60 hours a week to take care of them because you refuse public assistance; you don’t ask for much or have either on child support; and you still keep trucking. Well I applaud you. I truly do. You should ask yourself, why did you get in this predicament in the first place.

These scenarios don’t have to happen. 
You have sons and daughters that with or without fathers, still look to you for guidance. We need more Erykah Badu’s, Jill Scott’s, India Arie’s, and less Nicki Minaj’s, Rihanna’s and others who sell sex and have our young impressionable women looking towards them as examples of how to be. We need more hard working women, not ones looking for a come up.  We need more wives, less baby mama’s.

Now don’t get me wrong I have nothing against women who are put in the position to raise our potential future leaders on their own, but think of the of the men you deal with and the possible repercussions you may face. You are beautiful creatures and deserve to be treated as such. However, if you carry on like what you see in the rap videos or the foolishness known as Reality TV  (hello Buckeey, what up Evelyn Lozada) then you have set yourself up for failure. Stay strong, have faith in God and above all else know your worth. Don’t fall for the almighty meat missile. Just because it feels good doesn’t necessarily mean it is good.

Peace and God bless.


Updated 01/15/19, Originally entitled, “Woman, Thou art Loosed…uh..Lost…er..Loved? Letters to my Sistah(s)”

My motto is, "Live, love and laugh". Check me out in the "Men Behind The Pen" section on


  • *Yoles*

    something has gotta give… i really think a lot of young women end up in this situation because they are not prepared for interaction with men, not prepared for the overwhelming feelings, not prepared for horniness and definitely not prepared for that damn oxytocin. i have no idea how to prepare girls for what is like dealing with boys, men and the in between.

    • Mr SoBo

      Indeed. Having a daughter is scary. Not any more scarier than having a son. Just a different type of scary. You raise some good questions however. How does one prepare their daughter for the world? Hmnn….

    • bernasvibe

      **Excellent honest comment@” i have no idea how to prepare girls for what is like dealing with boys, men and the in between.”..And I think I’ve got an answer or at least this is what I did..Based on my own personal experience..BE and TALK real with them. As real as possible and try hard NOT to mince words. Why? Because their future and life depends on it..I wasn’t one to mince words but I was raising and later co-raising 3 Black sons. 3 Beautiful Black Princes..and yep, thats what I call them and that is what they are. I talked “so” real to them that often times my own brother(my only sibling) said , Dang , Sis! some of the things you say to them!. However, I learned from my own parents, especially my Daddy, to be frank. Very frank..Know why? Because what WE don’t teach them as parents; they’ll learn or pick up from their friends..who know just as “little” as they know. As a once single parent “myself”; I wanted them to learn 1st and foremost from ME; and later my husband. Home is the very first schoolroom or should be…The results? My eldest just made 30 yrs of age, is NOT a young Father before his time and is a breath away from attaining his PHD. First on both sides of our family. I was a “very” single Mom with him..never a dime of support from his Father but with my parents thankfully to help support him emotionally, financially, and spiritually. My middle son is 25, NO children before his time, and just back in school, again. Trying to find his “niche” as alot of middle children do..but thankfully no criminal history and an outstanding person with a ton of heart. My youngest son just made 20 yrs of age, NO children before his time, and working on his first degree. His bachelors and then headed on for his Masters..One tip I’d like to offer for single Moms or Dads without a 2nd party parent involved..Get a mentor of the opposite sex..Have either a family member step UP to help out, or someone trusted from church, or look to the many programs that want to mentor, i.e. Big Brother/Sister or Black need both sexes to learn the roles from what they see & hear. A positive one..or least that is my opinion. Takes 2 to make them for a reason…Good luck and stay UPlifted/blessed!

  • Cortonio

    thank you all for your feedback, and welcome to Opinionated Male. It is tough having a daughter and with all the nonsense on TV leaving a mark on these young impressionable females it makes it doubly hard, Thats why I feel like it’s important to have strong family values and be THE role model and not give our children the chance to idolize the beyonce’s of the world

  • fourpageletter

    1st post i’ve read and it’s hits a little close to home. so my comment is with prejudice and bias.
    as a person that ended up in a situation that i never ever ever would have expected and most certainly didn’t plan – i will say above all else, that women neeeeeeed to trust their instincts more. not only trust, but listen to it. because the yellow flags we ignore because of x,y,z reasons will be the same red flags that leads to you to heartbreak or worse.
    but i also warn against lumping all people into the same basket and painting them with the same brush. not all single moms are baby mamas. and while it’s very hard to understand from the outside looking in – domestic violence can’t be explained away with a few short lines about ‘you deserve better’.
    it’s hard. i know it. i’ve been there. i am there – but if i hadn’t caved that one last time – i wouldn’t have the love of my life now. the best thing i have ever and will likely ever do for the world. i have no regrets.
    you do not get to choose when your blessings come to you. whether in the form of a child or a lesson to help you live a better life.

    • Mr SoBo

      Very well said and very good advice. Life is a journey that we all must learn to navigate through trial and error. The best we can do is attempt to make wise decisions that maximize a more favorable outcome for ourselves. Listening to one’s gut is a good start. As you pointed out, our wishful thinking sometimes encourages us to ignore our instincts, and then we find ourselves in these predicaments. Such is life, which is why we all should try the following:
      Live. Learn. Do better.
      By the way, welcome to OM.

  • Ms. Not-Right-Now

    I’m just curious, because you call these women sisters, does any of the responsibility fall on the shoulders of their brothers? Not excusing these ladies, but what I see here is a lack of manhood. It’s like when a man stays at work all the time and doesn’t come home, usually his household isn’t in order. Wife and kids all go mad. Maybe I’m old school and traditional but even though strong female role models are important, I think we need to see more strong black males. More men turning down the Rihannas for the Jill Scotts.

  • Cortonio

    You last sentence regarding Rihanna and Jill Scott is exactly what I was saying. I will do one sometime down the line about the men –don’t worry LoL. I just feel that so many sisters in our society are prone to make bad choices in regards to getting men. And those aforementioned examples I gave are unfortunately very true in our society.

    • Ms. Not-Right-Now

      I agree with you and I’m not trying to take that responsibility out of our lap. I think we’re messing up. But I hate how all this literature about mistakes and messing up is often skewed in our direction. As if schooling women and hipping them to the game alone would suddenly make the world a better place.

  • kay

    Truth! Thanks.. We need more men telling the truth and less men pandering to females and soft shoe-ing. Its the only way we’ll fix our community.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *