You ever go out on the town? Go for a drive? Go to the mall? Go to the club? Or just simply just chill at the crib and see how people flex and you say to yourself, “That’s lame”? Well I’m going to hit on quite a few and I’m sure some of y’all can agree. I also have a ‘lame-o-meter’ and I’m gonna grade them on a scale from 1 to 10: 10 being ‘total a$$ clown’ and 1 being ‘not so bad, but you could have avoided it’. Let’s start shall we?
1. While dancing with a girl at the club, your friend walks by and you give him the “look at me – atta boy” dap
Reason: First and foremost you’re at a club and you’re simply DANCING. She’s probably not even the best looking girl in the establishment. Chances are she probably pounded a few ‘soda pops’, if you will, and just feeling the vibe not you. But nevermind that, you’re DANCING. Why do you feel the need to dap your boy up? Just dance with her and let it go. If she want’s a few more songs with you, cool. If not, cool too. I’ve actually seen that in person and it looks really bad. You literally have to shake your head.
2. You miss a phone call by a few seconds. You call the person right back and THEY DON’T PICK UP
Reason: Me personally, I really hate this so I wanted to give it higher rating. No,…you don’t understand…this irks the dickens out of me. But for the sake of being objective, I’ll be cool and keep it where it is. My take on that is this: why would you call me and I call you RIGHT back and you don’t answer? Like, how far have you really gone in 10 seconds?? Especially if it’s an important call I’m expecting from you?
3. Excessive posting of random nonsense on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram
Reason: I don’t need to know when you went to the store or about you taking your pet to the vet. I don’t need to see pictures of your dinner, breakfast, or lunch. Nor do I care about how you’re gonna “get your grub on”. I don’t care about your undying love for your man/woman. I don’t care about your “wanna be prophet” quotes. Here’s a prophet quote for ya: “Get a life”! And I don’t need to see pictures of you holding bottles of hennessey taking pictures at a club. Bottom line, I don’t need to know your life story.
4. Throwing a party for yourself
Reason: To quote the famous song from Dionne Warwick and Stevie Wonder, “That’s what friends are for”. It’s one thing to gather the fellas/ladies out for some drinks if you wanna celebrate getting a new job or passing a major exam, but throwing an actual party FOR YOURSELF!? No bueno.
5. Buying a woman a drink in hopes for some ‘cutty’
Reason: I have no problem buying a drink, having decent to good convo, then getting up and leaving on my terms. Especially if there’s no real vibe or little interest. First of all, women are more decisive than guys think. If she’s going to give it up, you’ll know without buying anything. Second how do you know she won’t just get some free drinks off of you, then bounce to the dance floor and forget you existed? Or worse, go to the next man, get a drink or two from him and LEAVES with him. Leaving you possibly broke for the night, confidence beaten -if you have low to no self esteem/game- and going home to Palm’ela or Hand’ina.
6. Catching feelings off of a side chick/dude
Reason: Two words “SIDE CHICK/DUDE”. If you’re married or in a committed relationship and you want to have fun on the side, be smart and don’t let either of you get the game fu**ed up. Let him/her know where you stand and what you’re all about, and go about your intentions with it. I don’t care how good the meat missile or the box is. Understand it’s just that. When you’re together you’re together, when you’re not you’re not. So if you see your side honey with another person, don’t get upset. Leave it as that. And remember you’re married. At the end of the day are you gonna leave your spouse? I doubt it. That person will respect you more, and they’ll know not to get your stuff messed up when your with your wife or husband. And I’m sure some of you have been in ugly situations, so don’t let emotional interfere with the physical.
7. Lie on your wood
Reason: Listen brothers, you don’t have to lie about what you get or don’t. I know some of you all wanna tell your bros how you “aired out” a certain female. Or lie about how many conquests you’ve had. At the end of the day you’re not only lying to them, but to yourself. If you wanna embellish your number by a few (I don’t condone this by the way) I guess its alright because who’ll really find out? But if you lie about sleeping with a [particular] female and it get’s BACK to her and she confirms you didn’t,…then sorry my friend, you’re in social purgatory for a while.
8. Texting instead of calling
Lame-O-Meter: (It depends)
Reason: Now let me clear this up. I for one am not a huge phone person. But if it’s a quick text, “im on my way” or something along those lines,…or if you’re not a phone person period and you’d rather text me (if i’m not driving, etc.), ok cool. But if you wanna carry on a “text-versation”, especially when I’m trying to call you and you DON’T pick up because you’d rather text me?! Or if I hear the phone vibrating every few seconds and I see I have 9 or 10 texts from the same person… -_- When you hide behind a text, instead of simply dialing…come on with all of that. That is an 8.
Reason: I don’t care for seeing a couple ravage each other in public. Holding hands, a peck or so, or holding each other is cool. Being in love is a great thing. But the buck stops there. Anything beyond that, are these three words: “Get A Room”. I don’t wanna see tongue’ing down, ass-grabbing, etc. None of that.
10. Excessive clubbing over 30
Reason: I’m all for going out and breaking up the monotony a bit. If it’s your friends birthday that’s fine, nothing wrong with that. Once in a while is cool you know. Go out, listen to some good music, have a few cocktails, see some eye candy…we’re human. However, if you’re doing it virtually every weekend and you have children (especially if you’re married with children),…no bueno. You were young (er) once, you should have done it then. Leave that to the young bucks. Even Michael Jordan knew when to hang up his jersey.
11. Wake and Bake
Reason: For those of you who may not be familiar with the term, it means when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is roll up and smoke. I may be subjective here, but is it that serious? Especially if you already washed your face and brushed your teeth, (some folks don’t even do that) now you wanna damage your once minty clean breath with mary jane. Go drink some water or juice, but I digress.
So readers, what do you think about this list? Is there anything you would add? What sort of things have you seen people do that had your Lame-O-Meter buzzing off the charts? Do tell. The board is yours.
Be sure to check out part two, 8 Ridiculously Lame and Tacky Things People Do (Pt II)
Title Update 01/15/19, Originally entitled, ” Doin’ the Most: Lame Sh*t People Do”