10 Things Every Father Should Teach Their Sons
Any man can be a father but not every man can be a dad. This is a rather true statement. There are some men out there who have left their responsibilities because maybe, just maybe they didn’t know HOW to be a dad and show their son the way. Well I’m not a guru on lots of things, but I hope this list of things can be an “instruction manual” so to speak. An 099 class (for all of you college goers). This list isn’t in any particular order.
1. Let’s talk about sex baby
I was recently watching “Boyz In The Hood” and there was a scene where Furious was spending a day with his son Trey and telling him some of the ins and outs of sex. I know this can be a weird subject to bring up but brothers who have sons, this is an absolute necessity. Too many teenage pregnancies, unwanted pregnancies, and sex being misused altogether.
A woman’s body is a temple, not a fu** stick. Your penis isn’t something to just stick in anything. Not to mention the fact that STD’s are running rampant in society and the black community as a whole. I’m not saying show your child porn at 8 or 9 years old, but an honest, in depth, no holds barred conversation about “birds and bees” is a must. And if your son asks, please don’t shy away, be real.
2. Hygiene
Too many teenagers (and grown men too, let me not excuse all, but for the sake of this article, too many teens…) walk around smelling like who done it and why. Before your son hits puberty this is another conversation that should be had. The use of deodorant and powder is beneficial. Axe or any body spray covering up funk is a no bueno on all levels.
Taking a shower a few times a week is NOT OK. Brushing your teeth and showers should be daily, and in some cases (depending on the person) twice a day. If you have to demonstrate how to wash and where, do that too. Washing your hair shouldn’t go unmentioned. More importantly, let him know that just running the water for a half hour without the use of soap does not constitute a shower. Especially if you want to attract the fairer sex because women- no let me rephrase that- no self-respecting woman wants a brotha who is brain dead when it comes to washin’ his azz.
3. Be a gentleman
In this day and age where chivalry has seemingly been on life support, it’s important to let your son know that being polite and a gentleman goes very far in life. Simple things like holding the door (for guys too as well as women), pulling out a seat, opening the car door MANUALLY, and even helping someone with their bags always works.
4. Friends. How many of us have them?
When children grow up they always use this phrase a lot. The first kid that’s nice to them becomes “that’s my friend…” This to me is one of the hardest to instill, because even as adults, we seem to get the lines of friends, associates, and acquaintances mixed up. However, it doesn’t hurt to introduce this to him and teach him about false loyalty as well as who his true friends REALLY are. Will they have your back no matter what? Will they choose someone over you at the drop of a hat? Because when they become teens, they’ll really start to see and feel the difference. Once a child can grow to differentiate friends from associates, it’ll work for him in the long run.
5. Keep your word
The old saying goes, “Sometimes all a man has is his word“. This couldn’t be any more true. When you make a promise, keep it. When you say you’ll do something, do it. At the end of it all, no one (especially a future wife) wants a man who is always unreliable and undependable.
6. Sports
Dads, whether you were an All American in college, a high school standout, or simply don’t possess an athletic bone in your body, introducing your little man to sports is essential. It provides exercise and it can also help him socially and broaden his horizons. Children these days have too much social media, video games, and just too much TV rotting their brains and bodies. Take him to the park and shoot some hoops. Toss a football or throw a baseball. It’s all good. Hey, you never know…maybe down the line if/when he becomes a pro athlete making millions, you won’t regret that decision in the least bit.
7. Be a leader not a follower
This, to me, is one of the most vital. Too many people caught in bad situations because they chose to follow the crowd. Teach your son the importance of self worth and being his own person. This will benefit him in all facets of life later on.
8. Respect for women
Female dogs, garden tools, or any other degrading insulting phrase or name used for a woman should NOT be in his vocabulary. And while sex could always be a good thing, a woman’s vagina isn’t his, nor should he feel entitled to have it anytime he wants. In addition, help him understand how he would feel if someone disrespected his sister, mother, or any female member of the family. And one more important thing to always remember: How YOU treat women, especially his mother, will always have a lasting effect. And while I’m at it…
9. Respect for your elders
No child should ever address an adult by his or her first name unless asked to. Mr. or Miss/Mrs. should be first and foremost. Swearing at or around elders is no bueno as well. Even as an adult, I always address my elders with Mr or Miss/Mrs. Listening to their advice is also essential. I mean they’ve been down the road you’ve traveled and then some. If you’re pulled aside for a talking to, it will never hurt to listen.
10. Be responsible and accountable
Simple. When you screw up, own it. Don’t blame anyone else for your actions.
So that was my list. But readers, I implore you to chime in with some things of your own that I may have missed because our present sons will become our future men.
Peace and God Bless
Cortonio
My motto is, "Live, love and laugh". Check me out in the "Men Behind The Pen" section on OpinionatedMale.com.
31 Comments
Wu Young, Agent of M.E.
Dope post!
I’ll add a few that I will teach my potential sons.
1. Never count another man’s money for him. If it isn’t in your account or wallet, it’s not your problem.
2. Know when to stop talking.
3. Treat your fists and anger as if they are WMD’s– use them when needed and only then.
4. Act like you’ve seen a beautiful woman before. They’ll appreciate that and you won’t look like a large child.
Cortonio
Thanks and welcome to OM. Those are good addendums brother.
Mr SoBo
@Wu
Hmmnn…..Those are some great additions actually.
rooseveltdunn
Respect For Women* if its warranted, women call men all kinds of things everywhere and no one teaches them that it is not ok, Having a vagina is not an automatic qualifier for respect. If it walks like a garden tool and acts like a garden tool then….
Cortonio
Thanks and welcome to OM. Those are good addendums brother.
Cortonio
Welcome to OM Roosevelt, and true point indeed. However as a whole it is important for boys/men to respect women. Now if it walks and talks like a garden too, don’t treat her like one, just leave her be period. Point taken though.
fourpageletter
EXACTLY.
Mr SoBo
@roosevelt
You raise an excellent point. Respect is earned, not automatic. Entitlement has gotten misconstrued with ‘respect’ and many have a difficult time differentiating between the two. A basic level of respect is one thing. The rest is earned, not given. Welcome to the OM.
fourpageletter
when i was with child (lol), i didn’t know what baby me was going to be, so i wrote a letter to unborn. it had some of the same things you’ve listed, because even though i am not a man, and will never be one – i can only do my best as his mom to teach basic things about being a good human.
for instance, i won’t be infantilizing body parts. while i may call buttocks a bum, i won’t be calling his penis a pee-pee. it’s important for him to know what it is, and if anyone should ever come near it without his permission, i want him to be able to vocalize it and let me know.
i just read an article, where a dude mentioned he got head from 2 girls…at AGE SIX. any yet – too many parents don’t want the schools to teach sexual education (and then claim awkwardness not doing it themselves). we are doing a great disservice to the future generation letting the internet teach them such important things.
http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/the-mom-zone-letter-to-my-unborn-son/
good post.
Cortonio
Getting head at SIX..wow. well that’s what the world is coming to. It’s sad my sister, really is. I remember being 14, or 15 if you kissed a girl you were the man, but now at 14 or 15 it’s like necessary to be sexually active and you are often clowned by your peers if you aren’t. And getting head at SIXteen is one thing, maybe you’re both experimenting or whatever but six is out of control, and that’s why I feel teaching your child about it is vital.
fourpageletter
It made me so sick, cuz he was bragging about it. And made me wonder what kind of home those girls were raised in to even know what to do! Are they being abused? Who knows…but the fact that these kids know means they should be armed with the fact. But again, when parents object, everyone loses.
motrenaissance
@Keisha
I just hope the baby daddy is putting in parental work, because you are setting up your son to resent you for not giving him the masculine guidance that he needs.
Also, when it comes to problem solving, he needs a mature, strong male reference.
That is why I resent black women for choosing subpar men to mate with, cause your children feel the effects
fourpageletter
Oh Adonis…
All ill say to this comment are the following three points:
1. I control my actions and not that of others.
2. If I had known he was subpar…I would have made different choices.
3. 1 good parent will always trump 2 bad/fighting ones.
Until then, he has uncles both biological and not who will be mentors and role model until someone permanent comes into our lives.
motrenaissance
@Keisha
Fair enough.
Maybe based on your age & everything, you would know how to pick ’em. But that is my fault for giving some people too much credit.
So, I guess the research is inconclusive, so I will wait 15 years to see if your son turns out to be simp, a rebel, or a well adjusted black male who is ready to take on all challengers.
Women have shown us that they cannot produce the latter, 9/10.
I also hope that the scenery/environment, he walks into is not as cruel as today or in the past generations. That is something that is difficult to predict, plan for.
Good luck.
motrenaissance
We are always going to clash when it comes to respect.
You respect women based on how she rewards you for it.
If she rewards a IKE TURNER beat down, then you gotta step up & hit her with the people’s elbows.
If she rewards you for worshipping her & acknowledging how wonderful she is, then you can be a Super Saiyan romantic.
But to just respect women just because. You are setting your son up to be food to these modern women out here, who will f–k up your life, then say it was your fault for not laying the smack down when necessary.
And elders are the same way, it is all about power. If this elder doesn’t have nothing to show for their years, they are not worthy of respect.
My point respect is earned. And you have to teach your son, to acquire & maintain power & influence, and then be whoever you want him to be.
But hopefully he won’t be a p—y, g-y or straight.
Cortonio
motreniassance, thanks for the comment and welcome to OM, I hope you won’t be a stranger. as a whole i was stressing to respect women as far as constantly referring them to B’s and hoes. Remember although its a movie, but remember in boyz in the hood when Ice cube said “hoes gotta eat too”, and regina king responded “I aint no hoe”, he responds “Oh I’m sorry…bitch”. You know stuff like that, without no provocation or remorse, just outright referring them to that to me is wrong. As far as elders, I don’t believe in calling them by their first names, or swearing around them, you know things like that. And I honestly believe a man could respect the average woman without being a pushover or a pu$$y,
motrenaissance
I just want to highlight how you understood where I was coming from.
And I understand where you are coming from.
I do not indiscriminately disrespect women. That is wrong, and unfair. Especially is she has not done anything to me to inspire disrespect.
And I would not teach my son to do that.
I wish we lived somewhere where being elderly get automatic respect. I don’t live in that world.
Thank your female reader for ending me here. Now, if you continue to be interesting & profound,
I will be in your comment section more than I will not.
Mr SoBo
Thats actually contingent upon your willingness to play nice round these here parts good sir. Blog responsibly and respectfully and all will be merry and bright in your future.
Welcome to the OM.
Sincerely,
Mr. SoBo
The Law
fourpageletter
know when to walk away when people are trying to pull you into their bull$hit. something else every parent should teach their son. peace out peoples.
pynkkashmere
All of this is good advice. In a world of pain, selfishness and greed, it is imperative that our men have values to live by and pass on. Good work, gentlemen.
Cortonio
thanks pynk…I do feel this is very relevant for men to share with their sons.
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glossboss1
Out-friggin’ standing! I can’t wait for 10 things young girls should know.
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Quantika
I have a son who will be 3 in January and i speak to him matter of factly. He says sir and ma’am, i teach him how to wash his body and wear cologne and i am teaching him what a real woman looks like through my actions. His Dad and i are not together anymore but we put in full time work to be on oneaccord in our parenting. I couldnt ask for a better partner in parenting. He is hardworking, consistent, hands on and very present in the life of our son. For that i am grateful.
Awesome post OM! I’ve been reading different posts on this site for a few hours now… lol
Mr SoBo
Sounds as if you and your son’s father both understand the extreme value of putting aside differences for the benefit of raising your child in a healthy environment while fostering healthy relationships between you all. If more people could understand this, so much unnecessary dysfunction could be avoided.
Thank you for the love.
Welcome to the OM!
Cortonio
keep up the good work with little man! Thanks for the feedback and welcome to OM.
Moises
I like it when folks get together and share opinions.
Great blog, continue the good work!
Cortonio
thanks my brother…and welcome to the OM.
ncmpastor
As far as teaching a son about sex, it is critical that he understands that from the first time he ejaculates to his last day on earth, he is responsible for where his semen lands. I was taught that before my first ejaculation. It is what I have taught my six sons and the young men in my church.
adrv
Watch those seeds you scatter ’cause you’re gonna reap what you have sown