“Your Wife’s a Snack” – Harmless Compliment or Glaring Disrespect?

“Hey Ted, who has the ugliest spouse…“, asks a Houston radio show host. The response was, “You know what,…I’ve got it”, Johnson said on CBS Houston when a caller asked him to identify the player with the least attractive wife. “And this is a big, big man. This guy had his way with the Texans this year. He won’t hear this…..Vince Wilfork”.

Ted Johnson was a former line backer who played 10 years with the Patriots winning three titles in 2001, ’03, ’04 and appearing in another Superbowl in 1997.  Well some way some how, to no surprise it got back to Wilfork who tweeted, “You’re barking up the wrong tree. I see and hear everything motherf***er”. Now I thought it was unfair for Ted to be baited into the response, but in the end it was his choice to say “no comment” or something along those lines.

Ted later apologized for the remark, but the damage was already done. Vince may see him down the line and it could get ugly, or not. This also put a dent in Ted’s reputation as an ambassador for football for spear-heading all the research on concussions. It’s messed up though, because this may be all what Ted Johnson is remembered for instead of bone-crunching hits and making big plays.

January 7, 2013 the Boston Celtics are battling their Atlantic division rivals in Madison Square Garden. In the 4th quarter in a tight game, Kevin Garnett was playing defense on Carmelo Anthony the majority of the game. They jawed at each other all night and in the midst of it, KG goes over to Anthony and says something.  Carmelo already having a rough game, gets thrown off even more as he misses clutch shots down the stretch and the Knicks wind up losing 102-96. For the game, he missed 20 of 26 shots and had 5 fouls.

After the game, Anthony goes over to KG at mid court and starts posturing and trash talking to him. He even later went out to the Celtics team bus after the game with NY police and his boys in tow calling out KG. Nothing happened as cooler heads prevailed.

When asked what was said he replied, “There’s some things you just don’t say to another man”. It was soon revealed that Garnett, a known trash talker who never ceases to use colorful language said, “Your wife tastes like honey nut cheerios”. Carmelo’s wife (for those of you who aren’t in the know) is TV personality and actress Alani “La La” Vazquez. Soon the internet was filled with memes, punch lines, and stories for days. I, for one thought it was hilarious. They both reconciled and everything was cool. Pictured to your left is an example of the pics that followed the shenanigans.

Now I have something to say on this. I get the fact that men (most men) are protective of their wives and family and  have a right to be. However, if someone says something disparaging about your wife, do you really have to get mad and combative? I mean Johnson said Bianca Wilfork is ugly. And? Now did he have to do it on a radio station? No. Should he have avoided the question altogether? Yes. I’d have kept it to myself personally. He didn’t call her out her name. He didn’t physically assault her. He gave his opinion, and he said she was ugly.

I’m sure you, the reader, has been called everything from sexy/handsome to ugly. I’m sure people may think or say your spouse is ugly. So? Vince and Ted are both adults. Go about it the adult way. In the end Vince is going home to his wife and is going to enjoy his life with her. I don’t condone nor am I defending what he said, but he just feels she’s not attractive. I’m sure she has heard worse. Everyone has different tastes. If someone said my wife was ugly, ok. As far as KG and ‘Melo… it wasn’t that serious either for a number of reasons:

1) It was just trash talk into goading Anthony into a bad game–which he had, and KG is a notorious trash talker and has been for years.

2) Anthony got baited into it by having a horrible game which cost his team a win, which in the end he should have ignored.

3) If ‘Melo really wanted to do something he would have done it right then and there, or he would have gotten to KG someway somehow. So you’re going to take your boys and have police escort you to confront KG on the Celtics team bus? Whatever happened to mano-a-mano

4) The NBA is one big fraternity and I don’t think one player in that league legitimately dislikes the other. Hell, most of them grew up and/or played ball together in different leagues and even college for years before coming to the NBA.

5) Not long after it all wound up collaborating to cracking jokes on Craig Sager.

Carmelo, my man, your wife is beautiful. Hell, she’s sexy. You go home to her, KG doesn’t. You’re banging her, KG isn’t. You and her are making money hand over fist and are living a hectic but lavish lifestyle. Why even stress it in the first place?  Serious!? The ONLY way I, me, Cortonio can get upset, was if KG had a previous relationship with my wife, she cheated on me with him (assuming we put it past us), or had a casual encounter with KG before we met. At that time I wouldn’t blame ‘Melo for getting upset because I’m sure you as a man would start having all sorts of thoughts go through your head. And regardless of what, we all have fragile egos. I don’t care who you are. If I did do something to Garnett in retaliation for the “cheerios” comment, it wouldn’t change anything, would it?

I feel in general dudes should keep their machismo and emotions in check and realize it’s just words. Your wife is ugly. Your wife is fat. Your wife tastes like neckbones. I have three words for you: so So and SO. I feel you should get upset and belligerent if someone did something physically to your wife – which begs the question, “What do you do if your wife is approached by someone while the two of you are out”? Another post for another time.

Anywho, if I were ‘Melo you know what I would have done? KG: “Your wife tastes like honey nut cheerios” Me: “I know she’s sweet AND quite frankly tastes much better than yours” then at my first opportunity drill a jumper in his grill and say “taste that bit**!”

Peace, and God Bless

Title Updated on 01/15/19. Post originally entitled, “Your Wife is, Tastes Like, and Looks Like a Snack”