Is She Worth ‘Putting a Ring on It’?
What type of woman are you (dating)? Women and Sports have become a way of life in today’s society. So in this post I’m going to put them both in a sort of ‘sports perspective’ since we all participate in it in some way shape or form.
As you get more into the sport you enjoy watching, you will see that teams have franchise players, superstars, stars, mid-level players, and bench players. I did a previous article “All Gold Everything: What Type Of Man Are You (Dating)?” I’m going to do the same with the ladies, but I’ll spin it a little. So gentlemen, what TYPE of woman do you deal with? Here I break down the 5 types we usually run into on a day-to-day basis.
The Bench Player
This is your very basic type. Not necessarily but can even be sort of ‘hood ratchet’. She’s usually not the best looking and one who has next to nothing going for herself but can be good company for you as maybe a leisure buddy (smoking, drinking) or someone you just smash and keep under wraps.
She probably has her own spot (if she does, don’t be surprised if she’s a housing-system lifer). More than likely a ‘baby’s mama’ and doesn’t mind saying so with some sort of pride, or staying that way. She is more often than not a pain in the ass, but because of good bedroom skills (or other intangibles) you tolerate her. These types would not be considered ‘wife’ material unless you literally have very low to no standards or self-esteem.
The Bench Player would equate to a player that is not talented enough to be considered a star,but is just good enough to ride the bench, and if they contribute something it’s considered a bonus yet not a necessity. In other words you can get your own weed, liquor or have a spot for yourself, but if she happens to have it when you come to do whatever it is ya’ll do,..okay cool.
The Mid-Level Player
The one who may have her own spot or maybe not. May have a vehicle, maybe not. She has a job, but just not a career. Decent looking, and is someone you can just kick it with. You can funnel her into the ‘friend with a benefit’ zone, nothing more nothing less. They are similarly on par with the ‘Bench Player’ but with a little more to offer.
Her cooking skills are probably lacking so you’ll be feasting on the basics, i.e., ordering take-out or you’ll be doing ALL the cooking. Not sure if building with one of these types is the best, again just a kick it buddy. But if you choose to you’ll have a lot of work to do if you‘re the progressive type of dude or don’t mind your situation since there’ll probably be no growth.
To equate to player terms, someone who isn’t on par with the superstars/stars but can hold her own occasionally.
The Star Player
The type has loads of potential to be more, but is content with what she is/has. This may not be a bad thing depending on the guy. She is good-looking, more than likely has finished college, has a good job, cool to be around, has her own spot, good in bed, can drive and (may even have her own vehicle) and probably good in the kitchen.
The kicker is, the desire for growth. Does she want to stay at her job, which is good but has a ceiling that she isn’t sure she wants to break? Is she destined to run the treadmill of life knowing she can actually run on her own? She may want to settle down, but as well she may not.
You may want to get serious but chances are these are the types who may have been screwed over by a previous relationship and now carry emotional baggage. Again, the potential is certainly there but something is keeping her from realizing it.
In player terms, one who is a star in their league. Puts up good numbers but is fine with just that. Or is one who is determined to be more, but because of other factors can’t get to the superstar or franchise level.
The Superstar
This is the one most guys settle for. She is easy on the eyes (not just to her man but everyone); has a career; money isn’t much of an object to her. She is cool as hell being around, can drive and even has her own vehicle. Plus she’ll leave your toes curling in the bedroom and just seems to have it all. The too good to be true female. She is very popular, outgoing, and you’ll definitely have fun. Lives your typical cosmopolitan lifestyle.
However, is she good at saving money? (She’ll rather spend money eating (and going) out as opposed to cooking her meals) Can she balance a check book? She makes a lot of money but likely SPENDS a lot of money. Is she someone who you can build a foundation with? Is she content with paying someone else’s mortgage or paying her own?
This is the player who is supremely talented that people will pay to see , but can you win a title with this player? Is this a player who you can depend on for the long haul? For some reason or another there’s possibility she’ll get to a certain level and choke in the big game (of life as well). Potentially not someone you can build with for the long-term.
The Franchise Player
Ah, now these are the ones that are hard to find. This one can be the yin to your yang. However, she may not be a dime. Not the flashiest but conservative. She may nag you and get on your nerves at times, although that maybe because she just wants you to step it up and reach your apex. She will definitely have your back at all costs.
She’s educated, has a career, able to cook and clean. No matter what you’ll have a clean house, food on the table and in the fridge. She’s family oriented and wants to be a wife NOT someone’s baby’s mama. As a result, she more than likely doesn’t want children UNLESS she is married. And you know if you had children she’ll hold the fort down for you if you’re away.
If she doesn’t already have a house she definitely wants one and will stop at nothing to get one. She is a go getter and saves money even if it means going as far as bringing coupons anywhere. She also doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty or feet wet. She’ll help rake leaves or shovel snow –or at least have some warm dry socks and a hot beverage waiting for you when you’re done doing it. *I personally know of women who have done this, so this is not a stretch.
The Franchise Player is the type of woman who if YOU TREAT RIGHT she’ll return her love ten-fold. She’s your classic 80/20 female, and it’ll behoove you not to risk this ‘80’ to get that ‘20’.
This player is multi-faceted, very talented and someone you build a team around and watch the championships come. She will always give 100% night in and night out. She will be an asset to your organization for years to come.
So ladies and gents, there it is. Fellas, what type of women do you have or types you tend to run into? If you have a Bench or Star and you’re fine with it, thats awesome. There’s someone for everyone. Ladies, in your opinion, which type would best or come close to describing you? Do tell. The floor is yours.
*This post was originally featured on one of our old websites but we’re bringing it back for your reading pleasure. Aren’t we nice? Enjoy.*
Title update on 01/15/19. Post Originally entitled, “If You Like It Then You Should Put A Ring On It – Not So Fast, Is She Worth It?”
Cortonio
My motto is, "Live, love and laugh". Check me out in the "Men Behind The Pen" section on OpinionatedMale.com.
40 Comments
motrenaissance
What is funny about this post.
I was watching “The Gossip Game” on VH1 show the other day & I saw “Star” (from Star & BucWild) who is one of my favorite radio personalities of all time.
And then, I thought about how his dating life, and looking through the eyes of a black woman.
She & I would probably assume he would only fcuk with non-BW. And we would probably be right.
Then I thought about me, and how sistas would perceive me in/on that same wavelength.
Now, I date sistas, however, I have a “take or leave it” attitude with them,
while I reserve all my energy & wherewithal for White/Latin chicks.
I digress. So I am thinking about the 28 – 35 black woman age group & how pressed a lot of them are to get married.
And to me, it is such a turn-off because any woman worth having for the long-term FOR ME, would be 25 & under. And as my mating value goes up this year, that age will get lower.
Older women 25+ are for fun.
And then, as I was thinking of all those things, seconds later, THIS marriage post pops up!
*cues X-Files music*
————————————–
Great post, great analogy between sports & women. Very accurate portrayal of how men categorize women.
When you become a really mature man and have your sh*t together (finances, emotional maturity, game, sexual prowess)
You can “see” the rare Franchise Players.
I am not there yet, maturity wise, so those Grade-A women are in stealth mode now.
What bothers me about the marriage topic, is how oblivious women are, as far as the burden and responsiblity that goes into a being a husband, from the moment he puts a ring on her finger, to the moment he is wiped out in divorce court.
Men assume a hella alot of risk in the marriage game, but women are still confused To. This. Day. On why men are so hesitant.
And if women are so hellbent on having a husband in their lifetimes, it would behoove them to campaign to get some of these unfair laws changed that aversely affect men.
Until the divorce laws are more balanced, or when marriage is controlled religiously & not legally. I refuse to participate in the marriage market as a black male. And will encourage other BM also.
Scandal Season Finale tonight. I am so geeked!
Good day gentlemen!!
Mr SoBo
“Men assume a hella alot of risk in the marriage game, but women are still confused To. This. Day. On why men are so hesitant. And if women are so hellbent on having a husband in their lifetimes, it would behoove them to campaign to get some of these unfair laws changed that aversely affect men.”
Although you usually have some rather ‘extreme’ views, I must admit you managed to bring a very interesting point to the table with this ^. I have heard this argument before and I feel it is certainly worth examining by both men and women. Because unfortunately, there is a large element of truth to this.
The laws created to ‘help/benefit’ women on the back end of marriage (during a time period when those laws were ‘understandable’), may in this modern era be actually hurting women on the front end by discouraging men from even wanting to marry at all.
This is certainly worth a conversation, and I wonder how the other readers feel about this.
CNotes
Interesting thoughts on marriage. Although much of family law is state specific, I would like to know specifically what laws you guys think should be changed and how that change will encourage men to marry?
motrenaissance
@CNotes
Spousal support needs to be eliminated.
Child support is mandatory but fair.
It is not perfect, and nasty divorces still will commence, but at least we will minimize the cash grab mentality that incentivizes women.
That is the main reason why divorces are initiated by women.
Now, if women are hellbent on divorce even though they know they won’t get paid, then you can give legitimacy to their complaints.
That is the legal angle Notes.
—————–
Then we have to repair the cultural angle.
The only way you hook a man until marriage is if he lacks options and/or he was raised to believe marriage is the end all be all AND if he lacks the patience or his ego is too big to improve is mating value.
Mr SoBo
Child support is fair? Where, on the moon?
Cortonio
@moto
child support, as I discussed in one of my previous articles “My rants on child support guys night out…” I went into full detail on how I felt. Child support is not mandatory if you’re stepping up genuinely for the love of your child. And even if you give a little monetarily, if you’re there for him seeing him, picking him up, calling him, you know spending quality time on a consistent basis then you shouldn’t have to be a the mercy of the court. But I can see where father’s don’t do anything and leave the mother no choice. As far as spousal support screw that, if you came into the marriage with nothing, you leave with nothing. I’m not with you anymore so why should I support you, especially if you divorced me (more so if it was amicable) and you still want my money. However that’s what pre-nups are for. In the end I disagree with both, but at least the child support there’s a case to be made. Spousal support….absolutely not
I’m glad you liked the article, I just figure I’d do the same with the females as I did with the males
CNotes
@motrenaissance
“Spousal support needs to be eliminated”
While I can totally understand why you would say this and yes, there are some women who abuse this law, I’m not so sure it can be treated that cut and dry. There are too many “what ifs” that have to be considered. For instance, if a woman comes into the marriage with a career, and the two of you decide after having a few kids that she would cut back or not work at all for a period of time. During that period, the two of you divorce. Is she not entitled to some short term help to transition her life that had been dependent on your income…based on a decision that the both of you made together?
Also, how the marriage ended can also be a factor. Who dissolved the marriage? Was the other person prepared to drop everything and find a place to live? What about taking some preemptive measures and consider marrying someone who is already financially stable? Now, I understand that this is easier said than done. But, my issue is with a man who will take a wife who has nothing and “knowing” that she will be dependent on him; then once things go wrong, he expect her to go back to nothing without the courts considering her welfare. Again, I don’t necessarily disagree with you, but I just don’t understand how that can be an effective solution for both parties.
paynewell
I agree that spousal support should be on a case by case basis. For instance in the paul McCartney and Heather what’s her face scenario. He amassed his millions decades before they married, then she took a chunk of his fortune and they were only married for maybe 3 years? That’s ridiculous, however, if your Juanita Jordan and had been holding down MJ since day one, then I absolutely agree there should be some spousal support. I do not agree with life, or until you get married, but I also do not agree with throwing your partner of 20 something odd years, (be it male or female) into the streets without help.
Cortonio
I agree to an extent, if you didn’t help me build or maintain the millions I made, sorry. It’s like a luxury car if you crash it and total it you’re a$$ed out of a vehicle, until you can get another. Child support for the children we had together, spousal suport not so much
CNotes
Enjoy fellas….http://ideas.time.com/2013/05/16/the-de-gendering-of-divorce-wives-pay-ex-husbands-alimony-too/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+time%2Fcolumnists+%28TIME%3A+Ideas%29
bernasvibe
Definitely going to add my 2 cents to this..But when I’m not so sleepy that I can hardly hold my eyes open. Saw the topic in my reader though & couldn’t resist reading it now. Be back in the morning with my opinion..And I’ll even play along & pick which of the “types” of women you’ve described. Though honestly I think I’m a combination of the last two. Explain specifically why when I return. Surprised this topic hasn’t pulled more comments from women..
Mr SoBo
Maybe they’re just shy.
Looking forward to your comment.
bernasvibe
Been so busy this day, this week!, went by in a blur…And on top of that I’m moving tomorrow & just finished packing..I’m beat; but soon as I get settled this weekend I’ll be responding..Rather do it when I’ve got the time to give that it deserves..Till then stay UPlifted!
Jacqueline
Jacqueline – I’m definitely a Franchise Player:-)
Mr SoBo
Sharing is caring. How so?
1prettyorchid
Let’s be honest not every woman is a franchise player and not every man is going to settle down with one. Usually men want what they don’t possess themselves. If a woman is a franchise player, what makes a man think she wants an average dude?
Every woman thinks she is cute, has it going on, and has bomb a$$ p***y. It’s up to the man to decide what he is willing to compromise on. Lets be honest, not all franchise players have husbands. And not all hood rat chicks are single. It solely depends on what a man is looking for. And I hope its not a hood rat chick. No sir un uh.
Mr SoBo
“It solely depends on what a man is looking for. And I hope its not a hood rat chick. No sir un uh.”
One can only hope.
1prettyorchid
Well here’s to hoping..
Mr SoBo
If you were to pick a type, which would best describe you?
1prettyorchid
I would honestly say Im a cornucopia of them all minus the bench plater. There are bits and pieces of each one that I can relate too.
I wouldn’t say that Im a franchise player either because I’ve just started to venture out and do things I wouldn’t normally do. If I had to pick one I would say that I’m a star player (minus the checkbook part and spending money). I’ve done so much on my own already that I am just looking to build with someone.
Mr SoBo
I can respect that. That sounds like an honest critique of oneself. Kudos.
Hairbear_FLL
I would say I’m a Star Player/ SuperStar. I get into long committed relationships, but then I choke, and I realize I can’t really see myself forever with the one I’m with. The thought of a potential divorce is scary. Also, no kids, and if I can’t see myself wanting to potentially carry my significant other’s child, then it’s a no go/dead giveaway (hence another reason why I choke).
Two points: 1) For all you men, pregnancy is a SCARY thing. For me, marriage=kids, and I’m just not mentally there yet
2) Women can be just as scared of “commitment” involving a ring as well
Mr SoBo
Seems like quite the dilemma.
Welcome to the OM.
Hairbear_FLL
Thanks! 😊
Cortonio
welcome to OM, don’t be a stranger…I applaud you for being honest and that’s quite the dilemma to be in. Pregnancy can be a scary thing because it’s not a nephew or neice where you can bring them back, it’s yours and there’s no turning back from that
stac
woman here lol…after reading the article i am shocked that i am mostly franchise player.
i was taught that i needed to learn now to cook and clean at a young age by my foreign father. i rejected this at first as an adult but see so much value in just having these skills if only for myself. i actually prove to be pretty handy around the house if i do say so myself.
however, i am not interested in buying a house right now (i say this as i was looking for ahouse last year) dont get me wrong i have the urge but think i am in the wrong state for that.
also i dont see myself as conservative…i am a fashionable colorful dresser…but maybe others see me that way…people used to say i was conservative all the time…i was like i just have couth..i know that wearing a thigh high skirt is not the right thing to do at a religeous event and i dont curse in front of kids…does this make me conservative?
i have been told i am beautiful, but i think that i have an acquired attractiveness like solange, either you like it or you dont.
i often wish i was the star player, because thats who usually gets the guys and the attention…no hate or shade..
there has been some talk about some men i think just one guy not wanting an older woman. i see men on blogs say this yet i see older women getting married and having babies left and right. my boss married at 38 and had a kid. another woman married at 38, then had a kid. my friends boss married around 40 and had a kid…so me being 40, i am not really looking. i just want to be ready when the right person comes along.
on another note, i look like 23 or 24 soo i get men that approach for that reason then shy away when i say i am 30…i am guess because they wanted someone moldable??who knows. any thoughts on this?
Mr SoBo
“i was taught that i needed to learn now to cook and clean at a young age by my foreign father. i rejected this at first as an adult but see so much value in just having these skills if only for myself“
And that right there is the key. Having those skills for YOUR SELF. Should you decide to have a family, you will be equipped with those very skills to provide in that way for your family.
As to the remainder of your comment, not sure where to begin as there is a lot going on there. lol.
I’ll say this. Perhaps, and I mean PERHAPS (not definitively)… the men you meet whom shy away upon learning your age do so because they presume a person at your age will be seeking the type of relationship they are not ready to give (read wedding bells very soon).
It is also quite possible that they might assume you may be set in your ways and incapable of compromise. There are really quite a bit of possibilities actually. Too much to get into here.
But welcome to the OM by the way.
stac
thank you
i am not the type of person to broadcast this, but i really dont view marriage as a necessity for me.
Cortonio
And you know what, a lot of women don’t, they just don’t go around saying it so you’ll never know. And to be honest I think some women like the IDEA, you know the novelty of marriage the ring, cake, dress, and the hoopla behind it. Some woman are just happy with the way things are, so in a nutshell, there’s a lot out there.
Know1
I’m a franchise player. Every single thing in that paragraph describes me &my current situation.
Mr SoBo
Good to know. Welcome!
balancedlady
I really like the analogies! Great post!
Cortonio
thanks you and welcome to Opinionated Male
Cortonio
thanks…glad you liked it
Finally
Glad I read this. Franchise player all day baby!
Cortonio
You will make a man very lucky someday if you haven’t already.
Finally
Thought I would have met him eons ago….most men don’t believe I’m real even if I lay it all out. No kids, great career, property owner/investor, country upbringing, so I cook, from scratch and lean towards natural healthy food, and my house is clean. Def will get my hands dirty, mow grass(only if i HAVE to tho), shovel snow, drywall, paint, hold you down. Ready for children, with real-world experience. Truth is, I know several women like me, all looking for someone ready for a franchise player. Many men are or seem to act like Monday morning q’bs. They seem to prefer to have the star player; she’ll choke before it gets real; lets them of the hook, then they can go back to player, complaining all the way abt how good women are so hard to find. Who has time/energy for this game? Life w/o risk is death! The stakes are high for everyone. We are scared too! Who DESIRES divorce? Who wants the courts all in their business? No one! Stop w the excuses. If you live avoiding what you fear, you keep finding more things to fear. So, in the end, fear wins because you give it all the power! We are better than this!
Cortonio
Very well said. I think you just dropped the mic after that one. Finding a quality mate is very hard especially when the television and other outside influences telling us that a certain woman with a certain look will always win out when in actuality it doesn’t. It’s just a matter of finding our match and being on the same page and having great communication amongst the two of you.
melissannish
Cool list, but you should have left out the looks aspect…. there’s ZERO correlation and relation of looks to dating value/potential…. correlating and relating looks to dating value/potential is as false as the common correlation of a woman’s looks to her intelligence….
Mr SoBo
Hi Melissannish. Thanks for dropping by. Welcome to the OM.
Your point is taken. In an ideal world, yes, I would agree. However, the reality (as harsh as this may be to some) is that looks does play a part for both men and women when it comes to their dating/mating choices and the value they ascribe to the individual(s) they are evaluating for courtship. Of course beauty is subjective and the importance placed on it will vary from person to person, but it would be disingenuous to outright ignore it as a factor or even to suggest it doesn’t matter at all. It does.
I will say that women by and large tend to be far more flexible with their aesthetic requirements in men if it is proven a man has other outstanding qualities. Men, however, being arguably more visual creatures, tend to be a bit more rigid regarding their aesthetic desires, and are less likely to deviate too far from their tastes.
For both sexes, it is the primary reason why we get fresh or dolled up when we aim to attract someone…at least initially. We instinctively know there is value in beauty, and we do what we can to ourselves superficially to increase our dating value in that regard. It’s peacocking.
I will say that ones physical appearance does not correlate to the value of the human being, but in the context of dating, it does carry some weight in mate selection for most.