Get the Relationship You Want in 8 Steps – Saving Black Love

Over the course of a lifetime people go through relationships like underwear, while others have one that lasts a lifetime. There are people who try to fix their romances by living in a therapists office, or going by what others think. There are even some who are just fine with pets as company. Well, I think people should simply use some common sense. Oh yeah, and  while you’re at it, read the following advice below.

1. Let go your sense of entitlement

I understand that people of a certain generation tend to be old-fashioned and have certain expectations of their man/woman. That certainly hasn’t gotten lost in translation.  However, this is the new millennium and a lot of the old-fashioned ways and views have become more balanced and in some cases, thrown out the window altogether.

Gents, you should not, and I mean should not expect your woman to be your maid, chef, and launderer. Whether or not you are the bread-winner of the house, there should be a sense of equality in the relationship. Nothing is owed to you, and nothing should come to you just because you say so. Fellas you shouldn’t expect your woman to treat you like your mom did, cook or clean like she does/did. She is your woman, not your mom.

Ladies, the same goes for you.  Just because you may have been daddy’s little girl, you were just that –daddy’s little girl. If you grew up as the only girl, the baby of the family, or the only child, your thinking has to change and you shouldn’t expect a man to treat you as your dad did as a little girl. Don’t get me wrong, however, as you still should be respected, loved, and cherished.

2. Compromise in your relationship

This is one of the keys to a successful and balanced relationship. You shouldn’t over ride him as he shouldn’t you. If he made plans with the guys on a Saturday, then the Sunday, or the following weekend should be yours. If she wants you to go to a play or ballet with her, do it and maybe she wouldn’t mind watching the game with you or giving you your Sunday’s with the guys during football season. All in all, compromising can work wonders in a relationship, especially if they aren’t arbitrary ones. And who knows, you may end up liking the type of things she’s into, likewise she may with you which can only strengthen your bond together.

3. Know when to put your foot down

The worse thing men can do to themselves in a relationship is allowing potential emasculation to occur and turning into a pansy. It’s important to nip things in the bud before they become out of control. There are women out there who weren’t raised with a father, or had a part-time father so they tend to take on the male characteristics and want to be the alpha in the relationship. Once you allow that to happen, it’s a done deal, so don’t.

Like a friend once told me: “Just because I do the things that require a skirt (cook, clean, etc.) doesn’t mean I WEAR the skirt”. In other words, if you are the stay home dad or if you are unemployed and she isn’t, don’t allow yourself to be treated as inferior because she’s the money maker. If you’re the easy-going laid back type who doesn’t mind acquiescing to some minor things such as where to eat, or what color a room should be, that’s fine. Do not allow yourself to become her puppet where she calls all the shots.

Ladies, as far as your concerned, you must do the same thing. Do not let any man take advantage of you, or mistake your kindness for weakness. If there are things you won’t tolerate and find unacceptable, let that be known (within reason of course). And do not let any man think he can put his hands on you, or be physically domineering. That’s an utter no-no on ALL levels.

4. Listen to your significant other

Many relationships fail because this is never followed. You don’t have to have the first, last, and every word in between.  And if there’s anything that irks the fcuk out of men, its a woman who does that. Listening is always important because at the end of the day you’ll never really know or understand what’s going on unless you LISTEN, especially to each other.

5. Don’t be a jerk to your spouse

Plain and simple: be cool. There’s nothing worse than being with someone who is just plain mean but, because the loving is good, you stay. As far as men go, be a good one, but not a push over. Practice chivalry more often. Surprise her with some good take out as opposed to her slaving over the stove, (especially if she’s the cook of the house). Give massages, feet rubs, you know, stuff that may gain you massive amounts of brownie points and lots of #7 on this list. (Don’t do it JUST for that reason though).

Ladies, if you generally do the cooking, jazz it up by making his favorite dish. During football season make some goodies for the guys when they come through. If he’s outside raking leaves or shoveling snow, hook it up with some hot chocolate and/or warm dry clothes. Being good to each other will pay successful dividends in relationships. If and when arguments arise, chill with the excessive obscenities and low blows. Fight fair. Remember the old saying: It’s nice to be important but it’s important to be nice.

6. Cheaters never prosper in relationships

I’m sure this figure has been skewed over the years but at least 1/2 of all marriages end because of adultery. Cheating is wrong plain and simple, there is no other way to put it. Worst part is if you get caught. In many cases that’s it, it’s a done deal.

There is nothing, or very few things worse than losing that special someone because you couldn’t keep it inside your pants, or keep it from going inside of you. And whereas I don’t condone it, if you MUST cheat, at least don’t be all “Tiger Woods” about it. If you are unhappy in a relationship, talk about it and try to work things out. If you can’t, then leave. It’s understandable and unfortunate some people get unhappy and try to get that fix or explore, but if you have a good thing don’t ruin it, plain and simple.

7. SEX, sex and more sex

Some couples are like rabbits, some are like turtles. Sex is always a good thing. Not only does it burn calories (especially a good session) it’s good for the skin, it helps you sleep, and you can be more ‘centered’. I’m sure it’s not a good feeling being sexually frustrated. Either way, sex is great especially when you have a partner that likes to do different things, has an imagination, and has a pretty good libido.

On the flip side it should not be used as a weapon or punishment against your partner. Additionally, you must exercise understanding if/when going through ruts like a new baby, hectic schedules, etc (and that’s indeed possible).  Sex whether it’s wake up, make up, drunken, a quickie somewhere, or just a long passionate love-making session is always healthy for a relationship.

8. Slow down the dependence on Social Media

This shouldn’t control your relationship. If you have a Facebook account why shouldn’t your spouse should be your friend? You should not have anything to hide.  And when there’s quality time to be spent between the two of you, leave the social networking alone. Think about it: Before social media, all we had was each other,…Right? Be cognizant that social media can be an extreme detriment to relationships.

So these are just some simple rules to make sure things are copacetic with you and your sweet heart. What are your thoughts? If you love guru’s have anymore to add for our audience by all means, leave your thoughts.

Peace and God bless

***Editors Confession: Okay, so this post isn’t limited to ‘Black love’ alone, as the advice here is colorless and pertains to relationships of all types. However, given the present state ‘Black love’ appears to be in, I thought it wouldn’t hurt for our folks to pay special attention to this post. Carry on

Title update on 01/15/19. Post Originally entitled, “Saving Black Love: 8 Ways to a Better Us, not You. Us!”