Get the Relationship You Want in 8 Steps – Saving Black Love
Over the course of a lifetime people go through relationships like underwear, while others have one that lasts a lifetime. There are people who try to fix their romances by living in a therapists office, or going by what others think. There are even some who are just fine with pets as company. Well, I think people should simply use some common sense. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it, read the following advice below.
1. Let go your sense of entitlement
I understand that people of a certain generation tend to be old-fashioned and have certain expectations of their man/woman. That certainly hasn’t gotten lost in translation. However, this is the new millennium and a lot of the old-fashioned ways and views have become more balanced and in some cases, thrown out the window altogether.
Gents, you should not, and I mean should not expect your woman to be your maid, chef, and launderer. Whether or not you are the bread-winner of the house, there should be a sense of equality in the relationship. Nothing is owed to you, and nothing should come to you just because you say so. Fellas you shouldn’t expect your woman to treat you like your mom did, cook or clean like she does/did. She is your woman, not your mom.
Ladies, the same goes for you. Just because you may have been daddy’s little girl, you were just that –daddy’s little girl. If you grew up as the only girl, the baby of the family, or the only child, your thinking has to change and you shouldn’t expect a man to treat you as your dad did as a little girl. Don’t get me wrong, however, as you still should be respected, loved, and cherished.
2. Compromise in your relationship
This is one of the keys to a successful and balanced relationship. You shouldn’t over ride him as he shouldn’t you. If he made plans with the guys on a Saturday, then the Sunday, or the following weekend should be yours. If she wants you to go to a play or ballet with her, do it and maybe she wouldn’t mind watching the game with you or giving you your Sunday’s with the guys during football season. All in all, compromising can work wonders in a relationship, especially if they aren’t arbitrary ones. And who knows, you may end up liking the type of things she’s into, likewise she may with you which can only strengthen your bond together.
3. Know when to put your foot down
The worse thing men can do to themselves in a relationship is allowing potential emasculation to occur and turning into a pansy. It’s important to nip things in the bud before they become out of control. There are women out there who weren’t raised with a father, or had a part-time father so they tend to take on the male characteristics and want to be the alpha in the relationship. Once you allow that to happen, it’s a done deal, so don’t.
Like a friend once told me: “Just because I do the things that require a skirt (cook, clean, etc.) doesn’t mean I WEAR the skirt”. In other words, if you are the stay home dad or if you are unemployed and she isn’t, don’t allow yourself to be treated as inferior because she’s the money maker. If you’re the easy-going laid back type who doesn’t mind acquiescing to some minor things such as where to eat, or what color a room should be, that’s fine. Do not allow yourself to become her puppet where she calls all the shots.
Ladies, as far as your concerned, you must do the same thing. Do not let any man take advantage of you, or mistake your kindness for weakness. If there are things you won’t tolerate and find unacceptable, let that be known (within reason of course). And do not let any man think he can put his hands on you, or be physically domineering. That’s an utter no-no on ALL levels.
4. Listen to your significant other
Many relationships fail because this is never followed. You don’t have to have the first, last, and every word in between. And if there’s anything that irks the fcuk out of men, its a woman who does that. Listening is always important because at the end of the day you’ll never really know or understand what’s going on unless you LISTEN, especially to each other.
5. Don’t be a jerk to your spouse
Plain and simple: be cool. There’s nothing worse than being with someone who is just plain mean but, because the loving is good, you stay. As far as men go, be a good one, but not a push over. Practice chivalry more often. Surprise her with some good take out as opposed to her slaving over the stove, (especially if she’s the cook of the house). Give massages, feet rubs, you know, stuff that may gain you massive amounts of brownie points and lots of #7 on this list. (Don’t do it JUST for that reason though).
Ladies, if you generally do the cooking, jazz it up by making his favorite dish. During football season make some goodies for the guys when they come through. If he’s outside raking leaves or shoveling snow, hook it up with some hot chocolate and/or warm dry clothes. Being good to each other will pay successful dividends in relationships. If and when arguments arise, chill with the excessive obscenities and low blows. Fight fair. Remember the old saying: It’s nice to be important but it’s important to be nice.
6. Cheaters never prosper in relationships
I’m sure this figure has been skewed over the years but at least 1/2 of all marriages end because of adultery. Cheating is wrong plain and simple, there is no other way to put it. Worst part is if you get caught. In many cases that’s it, it’s a done deal.
There is nothing, or very few things worse than losing that special someone because you couldn’t keep it inside your pants, or keep it from going inside of you. And whereas I don’t condone it, if you MUST cheat, at least don’t be all “Tiger Woods” about it. If you are unhappy in a relationship, talk about it and try to work things out. If you can’t, then leave. It’s understandable and unfortunate some people get unhappy and try to get that fix or explore, but if you have a good thing don’t ruin it, plain and simple.
7. SEX, sex and more sex
Some couples are like rabbits, some are like turtles. Sex is always a good thing. Not only does it burn calories (especially a good session) it’s good for the skin, it helps you sleep, and you can be more ‘centered’. I’m sure it’s not a good feeling being sexually frustrated. Either way, sex is great especially when you have a partner that likes to do different things, has an imagination, and has a pretty good libido.
On the flip side it should not be used as a weapon or punishment against your partner. Additionally, you must exercise understanding if/when going through ruts like a new baby, hectic schedules, etc (and that’s indeed possible). Sex whether it’s wake up, make up, drunken, a quickie somewhere, or just a long passionate love-making session is always healthy for a relationship.
8. Slow down the dependence on Social Media
This shouldn’t control your relationship. If you have a Facebook account why shouldn’t your spouse should be your friend? You should not have anything to hide. And when there’s quality time to be spent between the two of you, leave the social networking alone. Think about it: Before social media, all we had was each other,…Right? Be cognizant that social media can be an extreme detriment to relationships.
So these are just some simple rules to make sure things are copacetic with you and your sweet heart. What are your thoughts? If you love guru’s have anymore to add for our audience by all means, leave your thoughts.
Peace and God bless
***Editors Confession: Okay, so this post isn’t limited to ‘Black love’ alone, as the advice here is colorless and pertains to relationships of all types. However, given the present state ‘Black love’ appears to be in, I thought it wouldn’t hurt for our folks to pay special attention to this post. Carry on
Title update on 01/15/19. Post Originally entitled, “Saving Black Love: 8 Ways to a Better Us, not You. Us!”
This is so true, especially the social media. I have to watch that part because I can get stuck on that all day. Great list.
Social media is a trap if one isn’t careful. A few minutes can turn into a few hours, and its easy to get caught up spending time interacting with strangers than the person sitting right next to you. Welcome to the OM.
Shawn you are dead on, sometimes it can be addicting and you find yourself on it more than healthy, and to the point where you literally don’t interact with anyone outside of it
This was a wonderful post. All of what you listed are great ways to have and keep a healthy relationship, if a couple (meaning both participants) is willing to bench their egos long enough to give it a try.
Yes. If both parties are willing to do their own part, then at least they will be in a better position to procure a relationship potentially free from some of the unnecessary and unfavorable baggage. Welcome to the OM.
Thank Crystal, and Welcome to OM. It is true and many people in relationships look for a cop out instead of just working on the smaller things before they become bigger. Men have too much male pride and women have —I don’t know what it is, LoL
It takes a lot of work but it will be worth it if the 2 untied souls take their time to work things out, dissect and figure out how to enhance their romance and time together. I do agree with number 7 (sex) If they shall never get bored with each other always find ways to be creative and learn to enjoy each other for it is their own affection to stay connected. number 5 (don’t be a d**K) lets both parties know stop with the foolishness and just learn to try new things by being good to each other, I know I would want to put in some work to win some points, why shouldn’t the other party?….stop being selfish folk and learn to do things over and over to win their hearts. It will make the love will refreshed and renewed. don’t just sit around and be lazy. Put in some labor and don’t be an ass about it. on 2 (compromise) this is one I often was ridiculed for and was judged and said I was too “easy”. My thought that if you are going to date or be in a relationship was that agreeing and working together would be a great priority. but was told there is no such thing as “compromise”, which in black love annoys me because they wonder why the marriage rate decreases and you see a lot a foolishness and cheating happens. It is important to respect one another’s idea of bringing what they can to the table and if something is missing be the one to fill the void, if that doesn’t work out find another way. also explore while at it. learn what would make the relationship work. I mean I have learned that through what was said in this blog is something many couples must be willing to work through. I can’t see the problem why is it so hard to just try rather than be anal towards their own selfish reasons. GREAT ARTICLE!!!
You’ve made some great expansions and additions to the topic. Whats interesting is that as common sense as this all seems to be, its so difficult for many people. We generally have an understanding that compromise is essential to a relationship, and being selfish will be the death of it. Yet, for many of us, that continues to be a problem from relationship to relationship. Its as if individually, we either don’t want to do what is required, or we are too frightened to do it because we are concerned if the other person will be working as hard as us. Thanks for the comment. Welcome to the OM!
yes I agree, I just figured to have something people can read and as I mentioned in the article using simple common sense instead of paying people to figure out your problems or getting everyone involved, because at the end of the day it’s the two of you in the relationship.
Reblogged this on The Misadventures of Ms. Not-Right-Now and commented:
As always, Opinionated Male gives us a germane, well-thought out article. Enjoy!!!
I’m not sure why but this site is loading incredibly slow for me.
Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end?
I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.
please check back, I tried myself and it worked fine for me. I don’t know, but yes check back and welcome to OM.