Admin Note: Please welcome guest blogger K. Ferdinand. Enjoy.
So I was talking to my father last night and we were discussing each other’s Valentine’s day plans. My father and mother have been divorced ever since I was a baby, so the type of relationship that my father and I have is more of a friendship than of the traditional father and son. Overall, I cherish much of his advice, and seek his wisdom often to get through many situations.
He was telling me of his lofty plans. His plan comes down to which one of his women is going to shoot cupids arrow on him, and enjoy his company (We’re not just going for the usual dinner outing, but for the expected night-cap as well). So the conversation came down to this: “What is the true meaning of Valentines day”?
Many would say it represents the unconditional love that you want to express to the person you love. But my father broke it down for me and brought his insight into what he feels and the true meaning of Valentines Day and love represents. As I listen closely past his ultra thick Haitian accent he said to me, “Papa…there is no such thing as unconditional love, love is always conditional”. He went on to say,“When you enter a relationship expectations are set by both individuals when the union is established.”
After we sat around talking our shyt for about an hour or so, I was thinking about what he said, “…conditional love”. The term ‘Conditional Love’ resonated with me. I started to think of my past relationships (even my mother and fathers failed marriage) to dissect what and why my father said what he said. When you enter into a partnership with a person that supersedes one of a platonic friendship, there is a “social contract” that both people enter either knowingly or unknowingly that establish a sense of boundaries and guidelines that should not be breached which [ultimately] strengthens the bond of both people. The examples being: no cheating, treating each other with respect, holding the door open for your women…all that nonsense that ‘love specialist’ Steve Harvey discusses in his book.
But even women that I have dated say the number one thing that they want is to be loved unconditionally. Now I can say I never loved anyone unconditionally except maybe my mother and God, and maybe they too may question my love for them. To be loved or to give love unconditionally may be a blessing as it comes with great responsibility and must be handled with the upmost delicacy. Overall, in my experience I feel that most women that I have dated yearn for this feeling, but are confused when a guy does treat them like the queen they are. We all know the saying, “Women love A$$holes”, “The nice guy never wins”, etc.
I earnestly feel that individuals never appreciate a good thing until they no longer have it. Anyway, back to the topic.
As men we often witnessed conditional love with potential prospects or with women who you are currently dating or married to. Conditional love may display itself during dates. How so? Try not paying for the meal or outing and see if that woman goes on another date with you. Or like my father put it, “Try and not lick the pu$$y and see if you get the hole”. Those are just some loose examples of conditional love.
As I share this wisdom with my fellow readers, understand that men can possess and demand various aspects of conditional love as well. My mother sat me down at a very young age and said, “Listen son…when you find a woman make sure she’s a good woman and loves to do what she can to make you happy because a woman just giving up the pu$$y to make you happy doesn’t cut it anymore”!
So men, set your standards when it comes to the love that you want displayed in your relationship, because if you have a woman worth anything, she has her expectations and standards as well. Also, don’t get discouraged if you find yourself sleeping on the couch when you start to discuss your expectations to your woman. It may take her some time to get used to the new and liberated you.
I hope everyone had a great St. Valentines Day (who ever St. Valentine is because when I find you I am going to beat the shyt out of you) and stay tuned for the next article.
So OM readers, what say you – agree or disagree? Also is there such a thing as ‘unconditional’ love within relationships? Talk to me.
-The one and only,