10 Reasons to Show up to Work in the Nude

We all know here in this country you can get arrested and put on the Sexual Offenders list real quick for exposing any part of your body. I read somewhere you can become a sex offender if you are caught urinating outside. Crazy. But what if you could do things naked besides have sex – like say… hmmmmnn…..go to work?

Let’s delve into this world for a bit in this unconventional borderline morbid top 10 list. We here at Opinionated male like to jazz (not jizz) it up a bit with some off the wall stuff, so here goes.

1. No one can ever steal your chair

Would you want to sit in his chair? Uhhh,…no.

Well think about it: You ever have a piece of furniture, tool, bottle of juice or that lunch you’ve been looking forward to  since the moment you brought it in that morning? Well sucks to be you if you don’t want anyone at the office to touch it. Yet for some reason it miraculously grows legs and walks off. Well if you go to work naked and sit in your office chair, who’s going to take it – especially if it’s leather? I sometimes feel weird sitting in a chair that has been warmed by a clothed person personally.

Would anyone want to sit in your chair if you’ve sat in it for a while in the nude, especially if you committed flatulence in it? Nope. One check for the nude people.

2. You never complain of being too hot

Hey if the heat is turned up you’re not worried, you’re naked remember! And if you have your own office, you can keep the AC to a minimum. You win both ways.

3. It’s easier to use the bathroom

Oh yeah this is obvious. You ever have to urinate real bad and you’re standing at the urinal fiddling your belt then having to unbutton your pants and decide whether to unbutton it all the way or just pull ‘it’ through your zipper? Well if you’re naked you don’t have to worry about either of those scenarios obviously. Just rock out with your c*ck out.

If you’re a woman just sit till you drip, or squat till you drop. Either way, no worries. And if you’re a guy who has to ‘drop the kids off at the pool’, like the ladies you can simply make your nest and sit. Two checks for the nude people.

4. Unflattering physique = no unwanted attention

If you’re a woman who has a very ‘unconventional’ body type, you don’t have to worry about being [sexually] harassed at work. For some, your cleavage won’t look so nice without that push up bra now will it?
If you’re a guy…well I don’t hear of too many men being sexually harassed at work – not to say it doesn’t happen – but you get the point.

5. No wardrobe issues whatsoever

You ever wake up and get ready for work and say to yourself, “Damn I need to go shopping. I feel like I’m repeating outfits”? Or if it’s laundry day and you realize you are down to a very select few things to wear? Well if you’re nude, no problem. You never have wardrobe malfunctions, spillage on shirts or pants. Nothing. If you spilled juice on your nude self, just wipe it away. If it’s hot coffee, well….I don’t know what to say. However, if you don’t drink coffee like myself, no problem.

6. You work in a nudist colony

Well right up your alley. You fit the job description right? Right.

7. No lunch money worries

You ever have a mass order for lunch at the office? Well you don’t have to worry about chipping in, being shorted, or even losing money. You’re naked, no worries as to where your wallet will be. Let them sort that stuff out. Unless you plan on carrying money in your crack, in which case I don’t think anyone would want to handle that anyway.

8. Gives ‘bad hair day’ a whole new meaning

Don’t know if this is a positive or not, but I’ll put it anyway. If you’re a ‘gorilla’, have taco meat for chest hair, or have the amazon forest as your pubes then you don’t have to worry so much about the hair on your head. No one is going to notice how bad your ‘do up top is.

9. Health teachers need apply

If you teach anatomy and health wouldn’t your job be THAT much easier? Just sayin’.

10. Save the company money

Okay, readers I’m kicking myself as I write this. Don’t want to gross anyone out but I did say 10 things. So I’ll just say this and leave it to your imagination: Special sauce and saving the company money at the same time.

Okay. That’s it. I’m done.

Readers I’m curious…if you could think of an advantage of going to work in the nude, what will it be? How is it or would it be a benefit? Let your imagination run wild. 

Until next time…….peace

01/15/19 Post title update. Original title, “F*ck a Dress Code: 10 Reasons to Show up to Work in the Nude ”