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Guest Post,  Sex & Relationships

Mind Games Women Play with Men – Why Cuddling is for Teddy Bears

Once again, welcome  guest blogger K. Ferdinand.]

Mind Games: You Say You Gonna FCUK But You Really Wanna Cuddle

About a week ago I received a phone call (non business hours) from a beautiful woman I know who was asking me to come over. She was talking all this jazz about what she wanted me to do to her in the bed and how she wanted to put me in her mouth, etc. So you can only imagine the internal excitement that filled my mind as I was elated by the mere fact that I was going to get it crackin’ with a ‘Bad joint’ (beautiful woman). So I tell her I will be over in a couple of hours since I was already out with my boys grabbing some drinks after work.

As my afternoon winds down, I leave the bar talking ‘ish to all my home boys boasting about my nightly plans, as their night came down to wishful thinking of hooking up with various women. In the end, they ultimately settled for a comforting night with their lotion bottles…lol.

As I drove to my friend’s house making all the necessary stops to ensure a fun and safe night, I finally reached my destination. After sending a text letting her know that I was outside, I looked in the ashtray and put the sky-rocket in flight, splashed on some ‘smell good’ and in no time I was at her doorstep.

When she opened the door I was a little confused because she looked upset. I thought, what did I do? Was  the scent of smoke still in my jacket? Was it because I came empty-handed? She looked at me and asked: “Why did you take so long”? So I replied: “Shut up” and we walked upstairs.

Disputing_Awkward Couple 3- OpinionatedMale.comAs I followed her to the living room, she informed me that her roommates were gone; so I thought she wanted to get it crackin’ right there in the living room. We sat on the couch, but in my mind I was wondering, why are we wasting time?

She looked at me and said, “Hold me”. I laughed at her and said, “Naw….I didn’t come over to hold you“. She replied with a slight attitude: “So you’re not going to hold me”? Little did she know was that I had every intention of holding whatever she wanted me to hold, but our previous conversation didn’t have all these terms and conditions set up in order for me to get to the p***y. To make a long story short, I left shortly after because according to her, I was being an A-hole, and didn’t show the level of affection that she wanted. Was I upset? No, because when I got home my lotion bottle looked sexier than ever!

When did booty calls come down to showing a false sense of affection to a woman who knows that both you and her are only there to satisfy one another’s sexual needs?

There is no doubt in my mind that women control sex. But men, believe it or not, there are many things that we control that has equal or more value than just a sexual experience. We possess security, comfort, the ability to increase value in a woman’s self-worth, and a whole bunch of stuff that women don’t think men think about because they feel we’re always trying to penetrate the love box in between their legs.

I’m not trying to sound like a chauvinistic pig, but in this poker game we live in I feel women think they hold all the chips. And that is far from the truth. You know times have changed when ‘Mediocre joints’ (sub par women) look at you funny when you’re just saying hello or they tell you you’re being thirsty because you’re trying to let her know her track is showing.

Overall, the best remedy to combat these behaviors is…chase money!  And stop turning summer h**s into winter wifeys (shout out to Fab)…That’s no bueno. Moreover, we gotta save the cuddling and outward affection for women who deserve it.  Who gives a fcuk if a woman gets mad because she knows all she’s there for is just to ‘smack out’. If you don’t think you’re only there for her utility, she pulled the wool over your eyes!

Until next time and for our female readers, don’t hate me, its all love.

– K. Ferdinand



01/15/19 Post title updated. Original title, “If You Wanna Cuddle, go Find a Teddy Bear: Why Jump Offs Forget Their Role”

My motto is, "Live, love and laugh". Check me out in the "Men Behind The Pen" section on


  • d-wise

    Hmm maybe she wanted comfort because of something that went down. But I understand the rules. The previous innuendo pushes the results awaiting

  • chere1201

    Andre 3000 said it best “the coldest pimp be looking for somebody to hold.” I appreciate these thoughts of an educated male. This post reminds us women that the way we present ourselves is often how we will be treated.

    • Mr SoBo

      This post reminds us women that the way we present ourselves is often how we will be treated.
      This pretty much summed up the entire post in one sentence.
      Welcome to the OM.
      *rolls out red carpet for ya*

    • Shy Fran

      “This post reminds us women that the way we present ourselves is often how we will be treated.”
      Shakes the tambourine.

    • Knotty Natural

      I agree Chere1201! It’s all about setting a standard and not compromising yourself. Also honestly accepting the role you signed up for. Not to say that a jumpoff can’t turn into a wife, but just as you said 9/10 a woman who presented herself as a jumpoff won’t ascend to the level of wife in the mind of a man.

  • Cortonio

    question though, and this is only looking at the other side of the coin (although I can totally relate to his situation) do you all think that perhaps if Mr. K chose to hold the female and console her albeit for a little bit—maybe she had a bad day, or she was ready to get down earlier but something happened that threw her off slightly.. that maybe he would have gotten to the holy grail of getting cutty? hmmm…just a thought.
    Do you think he was being an a-hole for not getting in touch with her emotional side?

  • E.B. Davis

    Interesting. I have thought about this many times. So I guess my question is: is cuddling more intimate than sex? I agree cuddling is affectionate process but sex is also an affectionate process. I really do not see why sex without cuddling would be less affectionate or intimate. Sex is the ultimate exchange of intimacy. The fact here is that people just need to keep their feelings in check, when engaging in the “mid-night booty call” behavior. Do what you are comfortable doing. Everyone has different thresholds and boundaries. While some may consider cuddling too much for a jump off, another could just think it is part of the process. I think it all depends on a person vulnerabilities.

  • DaNatural_1

    I dunno man… I think she just wanted a little foreplay and affection. I honestly as a man dont think she was asking for too much because any woman that isnt a complete ho only sleeps with me they actually like or care about. In this situation you have a “beautiful woman” (as you said) that probably gets hit on constantly and out of all the dicks she chose yours!! Im srry but the least you could have done is hold for for a minute. Then you tell her shes sexy as fuck and put ur hand down her pants and proceed as planned.
    I like all the stuff posted on this site even though im late, but I think this 1 is actually a bad idea for guys to take seriously. Ultimately sex brings you much closer to a person physically than cuddling someone with clothes on.
    All the real players know women love foreplay and cuddling after the act. We also know that most men have no idea what they are doing when it comes to women and/or sex. This explains why only the top 20% (80/20 rule look it up) of single guys out there are getting all the sex!
    P.S Sorry not trying to be a d*ck or put p*ssy on a pedestal but I think guys really need to take the time to learn how to engage a woman and make her want you… Trust me its much more fun when you have beautiful women begging you for a taste of your goodies instead of you begging them for theirs.
    Us men still have power we just gotta get smarter because women sure the fuck are! 🙂

  • DaNatural_1

    Yea I just cant agree… A real player gonna man up and hold the bitch for 2 minutes so she can think he cares at least, this way he can keep her in his rotation… I mean You couldnt give her what she wanted for 2-5 minutes? but she willing to give u her “beautiful” body for as long as u can last? Smh Sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable, Guys…. “Give and you will Recieve” I promise!! for every time u go down on a girl she is going to reward u 10 fold more than what u gave her because most guys dont give a fuck about pleasing a woman and ur the 1 guy that did! LOL
    This is 1 of the reasons my fiance tells me she loves me so much, If she wanted me to do something We usually don’t do such as fucking her ass or sumthin? She know all she have to do is ask! And because of that confidence i instilled in her to be completely open with what she wants from me sexually; we have the best sex and after 6-8 months we had mastered eachother. We Cum simultaneously very often which is incredible. She wakes me up in the middle of the night with her lips on my dick just to please me because she knows im a sucker for a sucker, and in return i give her mind blowing orgasms that have actually brought tears to her eyes. I wouldnt trade my monogomous relationship for even the “baddest bitch”
    All I can say is start learning about women and you will start to notice things they like and things you like about them as well as things you dont like about women. After studying and figuring this out you will be able to weed out so many woman that before would have wasted your time because u had no idea u wouldnt like her type( Yes weve all been there). It takes time and effort though; and know you will get hurt and deal with drama and be lied to. If however u get lucky like me and find your TRUE soulmate (Love/Sex/Freindship) it will be worth it because its nothing like the fleeting love you experience in a fling or affair. My girl has been by my side for going on 3 years thru good and bad and we still have deep intellectual conversations all the time that often lead to playing, then flirting, and followed by us literally screwing our brains out till we fall asleep cuddled up.
    Maybe I should charge guys $ for this type of wisdom or write a book like steve harvey!

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