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Sex & Relationships

Why Men Should Avoid Making These Relationship Mistakes

Man listen, you know what you did or maybe you didn’t. You thought I was letting you off the hook didn’t you? Nope. All in all there’s a reason why you’re alone. Now if you’re running around chasing the field, hey I ain’t mad. But for those brothers that have been single and have been in a dry spot for a long time, obviously something went left and is currently wrong.

Am I saying you NEED a woman? No. However, the time comes when we all yearn for companionship and get lonely, even sometimes horny and there’s no one to turn to because we either screwed up the last good one we had, or don’t know how to keep one. Now for the married men, you didn’t have quite the same snafu’s but if you find yourself getting in the habit of making these mistakes, just chill.

Here are some of the bonehead shyt men do….

Not pulling your weight

Men, keep it honest especially some of you old-fashioned ones. You know you want a woman who cooks, cleans, washes clothes, and keeps you physically satisfied. All that while you’re working and paying the bills for the house. Nothing wrong with that right? You ARE providing for the household. When you do arrive home from work, what else? Let’s go on the flip side and explore what happens when/if you no longer can provide for the house.

What if you get fired? Laid off? Or quit? While you are looking for a job, what are you doing to lessen the load off your lady? She’s done the bulk of the ‘domestic’ things for so long, unknowingly you continue to let it happen just because it’s commonplace. You make little if any attempt to cook (since you can’t), clean (never learned how), and wash clothes (do I separate whites and colors?). Do you even try? I’ve been told that there’s no clean like a woman’s clean (for the most part). And while it may be true, gents you have to step ya game up.

If you’re unemployed or a stay at home dad make sure things are taken care of around the house so she won’t have to. Women do not, and I repeat do not and will not tolerate shiftless, lazy brothers.

Being reckless with money

Whether you have joint accounts or separate accounts, you have to be sensible and careful with your money. If you know a bill has to be paid, just close your eyes and do it. It doesn’t matter if that’s your last dollar and don’t want to part with it. It’s totally unnecessary to be with a woman and pile up debt after debt because you mismanage the funds, especially if there’s two incomes. That poker game with the fellas, getting your drink on at the bar, trip to the casino, or rendezvous at the chick’n strip all have to be within reason. You don’t want to be that dude who loses money for the household expenses, or you will be that dude who loses his woman because of it.

Avoiding vulnerability

Before I get into this part, I am not referring to pu$$y pandering, simp brothers who will sell out anyone to even sniff  the drawers. Now that’s out of the way, gents let me tell you, we all have that kryptonite so to speak; our teflon should wear away at some point. If you’ve grown to love and cultivate a relationship with your woman, why constantly dress in armor? I’m serious, it’s okay to cry in front of your woman (within reason); it’s fine to admit you’re short on funds if you aren’t able to treat her somewhere; asking her for help with something (again within reason) and nothing wrong with saying “Baby I fcuked up and I’m sorry”. See those last two words: “I’m sorry”. Trust me, using it goes a long way.

Men tend to make serious errors in thinking they have to put up walls and constantly be on the defense and being on offense which leads to….

Always trying to ‘put her in check’

Sometimes you have to check your ego at the door and let things be the way they are. You don’t have to feel as though you have to put her in her place or berate her for everything. Walk softly, speak silently and carry a big stick rings true. “I’m not going to raise my voice at you and if you continue to do so this conversation is over”.  And believe me you’ll be surprised how much that works. You can get your message and point across without trying to be a reincarnation of Ike Turner.

That said, women tend to be more emotional and a lot of their actions stem from their emotions. Men have to be reasonable and logical. And let’s be honest fellas, when it comes to daily living, they’re just things that women do better than us so it comes as a benefit in a relationship. Going tit for tat and exchanging damaging barbs never works. And engaging in fisticuffs is a serious no bueno. Now am I saying be a pushover and let your woman be domineering and control the relationship? Absolutely not.

Being too possessive

She’s your woman not your pet, car, phone, or any of that. In other words you don’t own her. Your name isn’t Adolph Hitler or Joseph Stalin. This isn’t a dictatorship. Not giving her any space (friends, family etc.,) can be detrimental. If she’s going out, where she’s headed shouldn’t be an issue. If you’re trying to pry or ask “who you’re going with“, “what time you’ll be back“, you know… the bevy of questions that comes from someone who’s insecure, it may not be a good look. If there’s love and respect in the relationship she’ll tell you all these things without you even asking. It’s all about keeping things balanced.

Women generally do not want a man who is a wimp, and yes some want a man who keeps them in check (don’t know if that’s a good thing). However, a woman doesn’t need a 3rd parent. If so be the case she’ll move back home.

What are some other brain fart things that brothers do in relationships? Gents, what are some mistakes you’ve personally made? Did you learn from them? Ladies what are some mistakes you have encountered from the men? Now is your chance to let us menfolk know what we unknowingly do ‘wrong’.

Peace and Love


Updated on 01/15/19, Post originally entitled, “Deadly Mistakes Men Make In Relationships That Should be Avoided”

My motto is, "Live, love and laugh". Check me out in the "Men Behind The Pen" section on


  • Finally

    I think these are good. I would add, if it’s not the way you want someone to treat your mom or sister, or better your baby girl, don’t do it. If you don’t know how precious each of those women are in your life, then you don’t belong with a good woman. Learn what the word “sacred” means, and that it doesn’t refer to things/people/situations that can’t provide something you NEED or save your life. Things are replaceable and are not sacred, at least the vast majority. If you’re not ready for real relationship, don’t ask for her number. If you spend enough time w her, she’s gonna expect it to move to the commitment level. PERIOD.

    • jackie

      I completely agree with you’re addition. Overall I agree with this list as a woman. I would just like to expand of a few things though. I say this with great pride, I have never been with a BLACK man who was overly possessive which is great. I have however been with men of other backgrounds who were. The one thing that bothers me the most with black men is not being vulnerable. I find that this is more common among black men than any other issue on the list. Not too sure why, I would love it if someone can explain that to me.

      • Cortonio

        In response to your question—apologize for the delay, i believe it’s that natural machismo, that male pride that doesn’t allow for men of color to break down. This can also be for the brothers who were THE man of the house and had to mind everyone else, so that permeated itself in his growing up to the point where he wasn’t vulnerable because he never looked at a woman in that way where he could break down. Just my humble opinion

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