Mattresses creaking. Headboards hitting the wall. Moaning. Heavy breathing. We all know what that is. Sex which was a hush hush taboo subject 50+ years ago has seemingly exploded into mainstream media: music, magazines, tv, internet, you name it it’s there. From serious relationships, one night stands, friends with benefits to whatever, its everywhere. Now while men and women know the in’s and out’s of having sex, do we really get to know and understand the subtle nuances of what makes a good to great physical relationship? How many brothers really pay attention to a woman’s erogenous zones? How many women know while it doesn’t take much, it does take work to turn a man on? Well here’s a little Sex-Ed seminar. Call it ‘Smashing 099’ (just kidding) for those who know or think they’re pros but truly have novice tendencies.
WHISPER WHILE YOU WORK
There’s fewer things that turns on a woman more than whispering sweet nothings in her ear while doing the do. Deep breathing and moaning in her ear is always a solid option, just don’t breathe like you’ve finished sprinting a mile. Soft masculine moans, but no grunting will do. Tell her how great she smells; how her body feels next to yours; how badly you wanted her, even how beautiful she is. It’s all about mental stimulation. If she climbs on top or gives you oral, whisper/talk a little smack to her. For you porn conoisseur’s out there, probably not to the level of Wesley Pipes (don’t judge me). That’s borderline degrading.
The worst thing that can happen to a couple is becoming complacent and lazy in the bedroom. If you constantly re-invent yourselves and do creative things you’ll both be happy. When it comes to relations there’s a level of motivation he has to get. Racy text messages, emails, light touching and grabbing of him in public, certain perfumes, role playing, impromptu strip shows from you, wearing sexy lingerie, etc. All that drives men crazy. Doing those kinds of things keep men motivated and engaged.
THE “NO LICKY LICKY, NO SUCKY SUCKY” BULLSHYT. DO IT!
You know what, contrary to popular belief there’s nothing wrong with it. And sometimes if you don’t like it you may have to do it anyway just to get what you are actually looking for. It’s an acquired taste literally and figuratively. Speaking of give and take, this is a necessary give and take because there’s almost no way a brotha is going in on you consistently and you NEVER reciprocate. The same goes for the ladies as well. That said, cleanliness and grooming is a must for both parties. Fellas, as an act of common courtesy, when you are receiving oral let her know when you’re about to blow and don’t take liberties with it. In other words, don’t lay there quietly then shoot in her mouth. If you never want to be given oral again from her, well this is pretty much the way to go about it. She may actually not mind getting an oral semen bath, but damn at least let her know first. And when you do and she obliges, you never know she may do it more times to cum. <- *like that play on words huh?*
DORA THE EXPLORER
This goes for both parties. Obviously unless you’re in a ‘rip off the clothes and go right then and there’ moment there’s a certain element of foreplay involved. Ladies don’t be afraid to explore a man’s body. Men (just like you ladies) have certain zones and soft spots on our bodies that we want touched, kissed, licked, whatever too. It doesn’t have to be just oral but you’ll be very surprised where a man’s spots are on his body. Fellas, you should already know the importance of foreplay so I shouldn’t have to get into it with you. On second thought, maybe I should because one problem a lot of us men tend to have is that we want to get straight into the love cave without finding out it’s surroundings first. Don’t be apprehensive about licking, kissing, or touching everywhere and anywhere on her body. Inner thighs, toes (yes toes), calves, neck, ears (don’t wash them with your tongue though), back, just to name some. Be gentle and sensual. Don’t force or ram anything into any of her orifices.
SEX IS 80-90% MENTAL. THEY AINT LYIN’
“He made love to my mind first”. This has been a common cliche’ among women. Gents, abide by it.
WASH, RINSE, REPEAT
Musty pits, smelly vajay jays, bad breath, those are among the hygenic setbacks people run into when it comes time to jump in the sack. I can’t stress enough – wash, wash, and wash, even it’s a simple bird bath before sex. If you have to take a shower right before, then do so. If it’s time consuming to brush your teeth beforehand a simple rinse with some mouthwash would do the trick. The sex is much more gratifying and believe me it’s very appreciated with your lady or guy.
APPEAL TO THE EYES
Yes we’ve covered that sex is 80-90% mental but think of this: would you want to bed someone who isn’t physically appealing? With women it could be even further than just T&A. It could be her hips, the way she walks, her lips, or her outright ability to exude pure womanliness. Dress apparel and style play a huge factor in a woman’s sex appeal. With men (I’ve been told) it could be their shoulders, face, voice, and overall manliness. A few woman have even mentioned to me that tats & even scars or certain cuts turn women on.<— Don’t know why but sisters could you help me out with that one??
To me this is so underrated but highly effective in maintaining a good love life. If you find that you do or don’t like something, simply say so.
So OM family what say you? Is the art of foreplay hackneyed and overrated? Are there any omissions or additions you would make to this list?
Updated on 01/15/19, Post originally entitled, “”Sex, Love Making & More Sex and why it’s a Game of Give and Take”