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Are You Serious Dude? Things Men Do That Women Hate (Pt. 1)

Image courtesy of CartoonHeart.wordpress.com

Image courtesy of CartoonHeart.wordpress.com

**Please welcome back to the stage Miss K.K. for another guest post. 

In your many years of dating the gentler, fairer and I daresay, better sex, you may have come across many instances in which you were sorely befuddled by the consternation of your ‘Boo thang’. Could it be as simple as women are just too complex, or that we really are from two different planets/school of thought?

Almost everything you might have thought is true. Women are varied and are as unique as fingerprints or snowflakes, and equally intricate and beautiful. Beware, because this picture is painted with broad strokes. That being said, I will give you some basic things that piss them [women] all off. Some women may agree and some may not. But hey, at least you’ll be a smidge closer to understanding women than you were before reading this.

Jellyfish don’t sting…they suck

While it’s true that there’s no “I” in “Team” and that a relationship takes two, someone’s got to quarterback this thing. That, my ‘testiculated’ (yep, I just made that up) friend, is you. Traditionally, men are heralded as being the heads of the household because of their skill and ability to keep a calm head while handling a wide variety of hard and stressful life issues. And women value a man with a backbone and the ability to make the hard decisions. Therefore, men that consistently give noncommittal answers to simple questions (“It’s up to you, I’m not sure…”, etc.) or answers a question with a question (“What do you think?”) can be annoying to the fairer sex because it forces the woman to make choices or decisions when she would like to look to you for some direction, or to be a sounding board.

Women aren’t necessarily looking for daddies or father figures, but they are looking for a man that carries himself with some type of authority and command. This is why men in uniform are sought after *salute* and why there’s the adage “nice guys finish last”, but in reality they don’t. Women want you to be nice to them but balance that with the ability to say “No” when it’s appropriate and warranted.  And it’s not limited to your relationship with your lady friend. A woman hates to see her man railroaded by anyone – family, friends,…small dogs.

Oftentimes within the African American community, men complain about Black women being too dominant or emasculating, hence driving them into the arms of women of every other color. Over the last few generations, Black women have had to be both mother and father, breadwinner and disciplinarian,  and nurturer and equalizer within their families. Seeing women repeatedly in this role can to some degree subconsciously instill in Black women that they have to be strong at all times and weakness is well, obsolete. It’s not an option.

Why is this important? The more of a jellyfish you are, the more assertive your woman will be. Being an assertive man realigns the male/female dynamic in a relationship and frees a woman to be just that. If you find yourself unwilling to do something because you have a headache, a splinter or your feelings are hurt, a woman is not going to respect you. So be assertive. Stand up for yourself and a woman will respect you and feel confident that if need be, you can stand up for her also.

Nothing, nothing, nothing

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When your woman notices that crease in your forehead deepening by the second and your silence covers the space in every room you enter like a dark hall, it’s obvious that SOMETHING is indeed wrong. Something is not nothing. And while both genders are guilty of this, this post is about the things men do that annoy women. And this is one of the things that trouble us to no end.

Women are nurturers and we want to cater to your emotional boo boos, but you deprive us of that indulgence with every “nothing” that is muttered from your lying lips. Also, women feel connected to you when you divulge your deepest thoughts to us like we do to you whether you want us to or not. Eventually, every woman figures out (if she’s fortunate and prays a great deal) how her man processes setbacks or things that bother him and handles it appropriately from there. Ultimately, men are just wired to shut down or compartmentalize their good experiences from their bad and require some time and space to undergo this process. But the silence or pretending that everything is peachy keen when its really not is unsettling to women folk.

Communicating how you feel builds a bridge over that chasm that separates the sexes. So when you feel like “nothing” is wrong, say that you’d rather not talk about it at the moment or that you need some time to think. This is better than nothing and conversely it avoids whining, which kinda falls into the previous topic. Confused yet? Welcome to the mind of a woman.

Mama’s Boy

Mamas-boy- OpinionatedMale.com

“Say, ahhhh”

Unless your moms is  popping on a handstand for you, there’s no good reason why you are still valuing her feelings above a woman you are very serious about or married to. Now let me say this: you should value and respect your mother. Keep in mind, you also must be able to throw the brakes on her tail when she meddles in your relationship like she drives a Mystery Van with a stoner Great Dane. <–Scooby doo reference for the over 30 club. When your mother is able to tell your lady friend what to do, what you like, makes food for you (not us), and doesn’t respect your relationship unfettered, you put your woman and her respect for you at jeopardy.

Don’t get it twisted though; we do want you to hold your mother with high regard because how you treat her is indicative of how you will treat us. In fact, the ideal situation is when both sets of parents fully embrace and love each child’s mate like their own. But there is a limit. If I tell my man something but it’s not the gospel until his mother tells him the exact same thing, we got pro’lems. At the end of the day, a woman hates being second place to anyone else, even ma dukes. Which leads me to the next topic. But I think I’ll save that for part 2.

Stay tuned in the meantime.

Miss. KK

Miss. KK considers herself a true southerner at heart with an undying love for all things glazed and covered in gravy. When she’s not harassing her baby boy with hugs and kisses, she enjoys napping, Rubik’s cubes and Agatha Christie novels.

 

4 comments on “Are You Serious Dude? Things Men Do That Women Hate (Pt. 1)

  1. A few observations on this post, since it 2016 and all:

    For this QB reference of Men leading- it’s been said since Forever that Men are Head of Household (more so by Finances part of Provider and THEN it’s the Protector part), making decisions, etc, except……the way many women cite science to say Women are Smarter and Develop earlier and mature faster than Men do. Since this is the case, how and why exactly does this Society-based perspective still get said? Patriarchy is such an evil concept until it comes to this context—–a line of inquiry that should be looked at without slander at Manhood or a Battle of Sexes scenario

    I get that having a Man say nothing is wrong when Clearly it is comes off annoying, let’s not act like Ladies saying “‘It’s Fine” or “I’m Okay” ain’t a lie. Furthermore, the face that many tell us about their day or just Emotions and Gossip whether we want to hear it or not is Exactly WHY we don’t Speak on 90% of Our Own Worries. It gets dismissed anyways because, well, Men don’t have that much problems dive we’re Men…..(when you rely on Society Standards, the Generalizations/Stereotypes are sought by men and women, right or wrong)

    And with Mama’s Boys- I wholeheartedly Agree, but this part is so full of hypocrisy:

    “When your mother is able to tell your lady friend what to do, what you like, makes food for you (not us), and doesn’t respect your relationship unfettered, you put your woman and her respect for you at jeopardy.”

    So a Father, who Does the Same Thing to a Man about ‘Daddy’s Little Princess’, isn’t disrespectful? Talk about Entitlement and Such- I’m a Dad myself, and while my mother was alive until I recently turned 28, I never was dependent on her in the sense that any woman had to find out from her things about me. That’s Stereotyping 101.

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    • Welcome to OM!

      I appreciate ya thoughts on the material and I’d have to agree with some of your points. Just wanted to call out that this site in general is catered to the male perspective and your points have been made, by other males, in other articles on this site. Occasionally, even on a site dedicated to the male opinion, they like to have women shed some light on things. It can be nice to have a feminine touch to soften things up around here from time to time. With that being said, allow me to elaborate and respond to your comments.

      Nowhere in THIS article, although written by a female, is it stated that women are smarter or mature faster. Is it true? Perhaps, but you take issue with subject matter not included in this article.

      It’s almost second nature for most PEOPLE, both male and female, to respond to “what’s wrong?” by saying “nothing”. So I agree with you…to a point. This article is about things that MEN do that annoy WOMEN; not the other way around. I even threw in a little disclaimer pointing out, with a touch of tongue in cheek humor, the same point you made. But here I will take liberty to speak on the percentage that you gave in your comment. Its’s a sad day indeed when you are in a relationship with someone that only let’s you be you 10% of the time. If your opinions, thoughts, words, and feelings don’t matter, then you are wasting time with an inconsiderate woman. I can’t speak for all women, but I get a great sense of enjoyment hearing about my man’s job, hopes, dreams, and even gossip.

      Lastly, you mentioned hypocrisy about the segment on Mama’s Boys. I find this humorous because if we look at this entire website through that context, then well…this whole thing is hypocrisy. But that is not the case. This was an opportunity to share different perspectives on issues experienced by both genders. They are different and the same in their own way. No two people are alike nor are their experiences, views, or ideas. Every man is not going to fit in all of the mentioned categories and every woman is not going to take issue with the same things.

      All in all, the article was meant to provoke conversation and I thank you for being the one to get the ball rolling but it also appears as though the article may have hit a nerve…

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  2. Ladies tend to do the same thing as well, if you ask them “what’s wrong?” you’ll get a “nothing”, “i’m alright”, just to name a couple. And as much as they’re mamas boys they’re daddy’s girls and they listen and kow-tow to virtually anything their dad says and that can be a downfall to a relationship…. Just my humble opinion

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  3. Reblogged this on Melanated Musings and commented:
    Musings and more found on OpinionatedMale.com!

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