**Please welcome back to the stage Miss K.K. for another guest post.
In your many years of dating the gentler, fairer and I daresay, better sex, you may have come across many instances in which you were sorely befuddled by the consternation of your ‘Boo thang’. Could it be as simple as women are just too complex, or that we really are from two different planets/school of thought?
Almost everything you might have thought is true. Women are varied and are as unique as fingerprints or snowflakes, and equally intricate and beautiful. Beware, because this picture is painted with broad strokes. That being said, I will give you some basic things that piss them [women] all off. Some women may agree and some may not. But hey, at least you’ll be a smidge closer to understanding women than you were before reading this.
Jellyfish don’t sting…they suck
While it’s true that there’s no “I” in “Team” and that a relationship takes two, someone’s got to quarterback this thing. That, my ‘testiculated’ (yep, I just made that up) friend, is you. Traditionally, men are heralded as being the heads of the household because of their skill and ability to keep a calm head while handling a wide variety of hard and stressful life issues. And women value a man with a backbone and the ability to make the hard decisions. Therefore, men that consistently give noncommittal answers to simple questions (“It’s up to you, I’m not sure…”, etc.) or answers a question with a question (“What do you think?”) can be annoying to the fairer sex because it forces the woman to make choices or decisions when she would like to look to you for some direction, or to be a sounding board.
Women aren’t necessarily looking for daddies or father figures, but they are looking for a man that carries himself with some type of authority and command. This is why men in uniform are sought after *salute* and why there’s the adage “nice guys finish last”, but in reality they don’t. Women want you to be nice to them but balance that with the ability to say “No” when it’s appropriate and warranted. And it’s not limited to your relationship with your lady friend. A woman hates to see her man railroaded by anyone – family, friends,…small dogs.
Oftentimes within the African American community, men complain about Black women being too dominant or emasculating, hence driving them into the arms of women of every other color. Over the last few generations, Black women have had to be both mother and father, breadwinner and disciplinarian, and nurturer and equalizer within their families. Seeing women repeatedly in this role can to some degree subconsciously instill in Black women that they have to be strong at all times and weakness is well, obsolete. It’s not an option.
Why is this important? The more of a jellyfish you are, the more assertive your woman will be. Being an assertive man realigns the male/female dynamic in a relationship and frees a woman to be just that. If you find yourself unwilling to do something because you have a headache, a splinter or your feelings are hurt, a woman is not going to respect you. So be assertive. Stand up for yourself and a woman will respect you and feel confident that if need be, you can stand up for her also.
Nothing, nothing, nothing
When your woman notices that crease in your forehead deepening by the second and your silence covers the space in every room you enter like a dark hall, it’s obvious that SOMETHING is indeed wrong. Something is not nothing. And while both genders are guilty of this, this post is about the things men do that annoy women. And this is one of the things that trouble us to no end.
Women are nurturers and we want to cater to your emotional boo boos, but you deprive us of that indulgence with every “nothing” that is muttered from your lying lips. Also, women feel connected to you when you divulge your deepest thoughts to us like we do to you whether you want us to or not. Eventually, every woman figures out (if she’s fortunate and prays a great deal) how her man processes setbacks or things that bother him and handles it appropriately from there. Ultimately, men are just wired to shut down or compartmentalize their good experiences from their bad and require some time and space to undergo this process. But the silence or pretending that everything is peachy keen when its really not is unsettling to women folk.
Communicating how you feel builds a bridge over that chasm that separates the sexes. So when you feel like “nothing” is wrong, say that you’d rather not talk about it at the moment or that you need some time to think. This is better than nothing and conversely it avoids whining, which kinda falls into the previous topic. Confused yet? Welcome to the mind of a woman.
Unless your moms is popping on a handstand for you, there’s no good reason why you are still valuing her feelings above a woman you are very serious about or married to. Now let me say this: you should value and respect your mother. Keep in mind, you also must be able to throw the brakes on her tail when she meddles in your relationship like she drives a Mystery Van with a stoner Great Dane. <–Scooby doo reference for the over 30 club. When your mother is able to tell your lady friend what to do, what you like, makes food for you (not us), and doesn’t respect your relationship unfettered, you put your woman and her respect for you at jeopardy.
Don’t get it twisted though; we do want you to hold your mother with high regard because how you treat her is indicative of how you will treat us. In fact, the ideal situation is when both sets of parents fully embrace and love each child’s mate like their own. But there is a limit. If I tell my man something but it’s not the gospel until his mother tells him the exact same thing, we got pro’lems. At the end of the day, a woman hates being second place to anyone else, even ma dukes. Which leads me to the next topic. But I think I’ll save that for part 2.
Stay tuned in the meantime.
Miss. KK considers herself a true southerner at heart with an undying love for all things glazed and covered in gravy. When she’s not harassing her baby boy with hugs and kisses, she enjoys napping, Rubik’s cubes and Agatha Christie novels.