After having written Dear Men, Here’s 6 Simple Ways to Avoid Foolishly Ruining Your Lives, I would be remiss if I didn’t do the same for the softer sex. Let’s get right to it.
Have Children too Young
‘Young’ can be open to interpretation and be quite a broad adjective. Allow me to be more specific in terms of what ‘young’ is meant here. And I won’t define it as ‘not being ready’ because you could be 32 years old making a very desirable salary, be totally financially independent and still not ready to have a child. If this were to occur you under these circumstances as described above, at least you would have the financial means to manage (especially in the father is unfit). For today however, I am aiming at those who are 21 and under.
While there have been many sisters who have recovered from unintended pregnancies and have gone on to be successful adults and parents, there have been others who have failed miserably. Here are a few disadvantages to engaging in this irresponsible behavior.
1) You are still young and likely desire to live the lifestyle the average early 20-something does. How could you if you have a newborn/infant to take care of? Who are your babysitting options: Mom? Nanna? Aunty?
2) You haven’t matured enough to seriously understand values, norms, and responsible behavior. What do I mean you ask? How can you effectively teach that to a child who has practically grown up alongside you?
3) Many fall into the trap of the ‘system’ and don’t (some by choice) get out. I’ll get more into this later.
Not Use Protection During Sex
If you want to get ya freak on, fine. No shade or hate thrown here. I know the above sub heading can count for both sexes, but women face the brunt of this more than men do. Here’s the deal – What if you get pregnant with a casual sex partner? You can put him on all the child support you want and still get burned. You’ll still have the deal with either the shame (depending on your beliefs) of having a child out of wedlock, facing your family, having an abortion, or the real risk of being the sole provider for the child. And in my opinion, a worst case scenario is a visit to the doctors office and potentially being diagnosed with an (could be incurable) STD. I don’t want to sound like a 1990s commercial and say “wrap it up”, but I’d be remiss if I don’t stress that or at least birth control. Dudes have little d*ck control so they’ll ‘shoot up the club’ if so be it, or their pull out game isn’t nearly on point as they think (or you hope) it is. So don’t even do it to yourself.
Have a Child to Save Your Relationship
If he it isn’t in it [the relationship] and into you, then there’s nothing having children can do. It won’t make him more responsible, more mature, or love you any stronger. And worse, all it will do is cause nothing but more stress, strain, and resentment on the relationship.
Ditch Your Friends for Your new Beau
Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. Your friends (should) last a lifetime.What happens if he ventures to greener pastures, who do you have to vent to? Who’s shoulder will you cry on? Exactly.
Settle & Tolerate Disrespectful Men
Queens – yes I’ll call you queens – I don’t care how much money he makes, how good his pipe game is, or what kind of car he drives. You should not….SHOULD NOT tolerate disrespect of any form: verbal, physical, or in some cases sexual just to keep a man around. I’ve seen it one too many times and all I can do is shake my head.
And if you’re a hopeless romantic you shouldn’t have to deal with just any man in fear of being alone. Women tend to get into that quandary because of this fear. Stay the course but still enjoy life and you’ll find the right one. It’s better to be alone and happy than to be to be with someone and feel lonely.
Not Being Industrious/ Staying on the System
I don’t have an issue if you happen to have a child at a young age with an a-hole of a dude who bails. I understand you may need some assistance whether it be housing, WIC, or food stamps especially if your family isn’t really supportive. If you start conceiving multiple children after that without getting yourself in order as a means to stay on said assistance, that’s where the issue lies.
Allow me to break it down: If you have a child at 18, then by the time you’re 30 you have 2, maybe 3 more children and you’re still collecting benefits, what kind of example does that set for your children? “Mommy doesn’t have to work but we still have flatscreen TV’s, nice furniture, and a filled refrigerator.” And I have to emphasize especially if you have a girl(s) – what precedent does that set for them? “If mommy can do it so can I”.
If you’re not physically handicapped or have a child that is, go and get a job. I know women who have special needs children that require extra care, and send them to specialized programs during the day so they can….OMG!! ….work! I don’t care if you’re a cashier at a CVS making minimum wage, or have to work two jobs. You have to do what you must, so get up off yo’ azz!
Updated on 01/15/19, Post originally entitled, “Good Grief. Woe is You: The Foolish Things That Women Do”