A Mini-Rant on why You may not be a Real ‘Single Mother’, & More

I have three small topics I want to quickly address – (1) The single mother monicker. More specifically, women who refer to themselves ‘single mothers’. (2) The disrespectful humiliation of high school wrestler Andrew Johnson. (3) The criticisms offered by Shannon Sharpe and Skip Bayless on Charles Barkley. But first, Happy 2019 to all the readers! I wish everyone a blessed, bountiful, productive year. Hopefully, whatever baggage, toxicisms (yes it’s a word to me, so what) and drama you endured, you left it in the rearview mirror. Remember, life moves forward and everything you go through is a learning experience. Having said that let’s get on with it with our first topic- Single Mother

     Single- adjective

1. only one in number; one only; unique; sole  (2) of, relating to, or suitable for one person only  (3) solitary or sole; lone:

I will preface this by saying there are no qualms on my end on single mothers – women who are literally taking care of their child(ren) on their own because of the father willingly…WILLINGLY…walking away from the home and its responsibilities. If you have to work, cook, clean, pay all the expenses and provide childcare while maintaining yourself, then continue doing the best you can in raising our potential future leaders and upstanding members of society.  Mozeltov to you single moms!

Who isn’t a ‘single mom’

For those who use the title ‘Single Mom’ because you view it as a congressional medal of honor – a badge of some sort to help you feel better about yourself – well, finger of shame to you. Perplexed?  Allow me to break it down to you.

• If you’re receiving child support and/or some sort of government assistance.
• The father is actively and consistently engaged in the child(ren’s) lives and doesn’t have issues providing
• In some/most cases you are able to have a night out while having someone (not including the father) to watch the children for a few hours

How are you a single mother / parent? Because you don’t have a man? Because you and the father aren’t together? I’m confused.  Under these circumstances, you are not a single mother. You are a single woman with child(ren).

Who is a ‘single mother’

I know women personally who have to do everything for their child(ren). They play both mommy and daddy and couldn’t get any assistance (WIC, Food stamps, housing) because their salary dictates they are a smidgeon of ‘deserving’ any. And the father either doesn’t work or works under the table not providing a thing. I daresay, they are the ones who have the right to call themselves a single mom.

I’ll give you an example. I remember a woman who shared a story with me on how her children’s father left her when the children were young. Her friends pleaded for her to put the dad on child support. However strong in her convictions and bearing a lot of pride, she chose to take care of the children on her own. Additionally, since she was fairly new to the states she had no family to help with anything. In my humble opinion, such a circumstance is a text book definition of single motherhood.

I hear women many times use the phrase “I’m a single parent“. “I can’t xyx because I have ‘x’ kids and I’m by myself“, or “It’s tough being a single mother“. However, if you’re circumstances mirrors any items on the aforementioned bulleted list, how are you a single mother? Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely instances where some fathers are content in paying support only and aren’t actively involved as a parent. That, unfortunately, is a reality for a number of ‘broken families’ and single mother households. I guess my overall point is this: it would behoove women to self-reflect and take a look at their situation before jumping in line to become the next card-carrying member of the ‘Single Mother’s club’.