Now, I’m sure many of you over the years have heard good music, music that was aiight, and songs that were, “Serious, he was really paid to make that”? Rap music has changed almost dramatically over the years as lyrics, content, and message have been replaced by buffoonery, nonsense, and silliness. Although some do have catchy hooks and beats, still you wonder, “what…is…this”??
Some artists as a whole have made a career out of solid tracks but have had a hiccup or two along the way. Despite this, they maintained their reputation because they knew too many hiccups could ruin them. So without any further ado, here’s my list for the dumbest rap songs ever made. This list is in no particular order.
1. “White Girls” 2003
Artist: Mighty Casey
This was one of those songs that used to premiere solely on BET Uncut. It was sampled by GrandMaster Melle Mel’s 1983 hit “White Lines.. don’t do it”. The song was pretty much an ode to white girls and how ‘beautiful’ they are in comparison to black women.
Upon watching it for the first time, I didn’t find it offensive but the video itself was a low-budget “masterpiece” taking place in Boston, Mass. The beat was catchy and the song itself was funny but it had no real lyrical content. One of the most unintentionally funny songs ever made. He actually took himself seriously. I believe this track was a “one-hit wonder” if you want to call it that.
2. “Chain Hang Low” 2006
This rap song (and I’m using the term loosely) was pretty much a nursery rhyme of hip-hop. The title itself sounds silly, but as we go down this list, it gets “better”. This was during the period where rappers just put out seemingly anything just to make a hit, and most hit. (2003-2007)
3. “Pretty Boy Swag” 2010
Artist: Soulja boy
Don’t have a whole lot to say, just look at the “lyrics” from this atrocity of a song below.
“Get out the way
Pretty boy comin’ thru
Me and my crew we swaggin in the room
Girls on me heavy ’cause I look so sexy
Yellow diamond shawty in the club straight
I’m lookin’ 4 a yellow bone long hair star
Thick in the hips come and get in my car
You party with a star we take off and go to mars
Pretty boy take off in 184.108.40.206.1……
I’m pretty boy swaggin’ in the club I feel sexy, no homo
No homo shawty but my chest is straight flexy”
I changed my mind. Readers those are lyrics….LYRICS! Soulja boy in my opinion started the feminization of Afro Americans in rap music and society as a whole. And if you have to say “no homo” twice in the space of one bar, then…it’s pretty homo. I mean he did say he was a pretty boy not once but twice and took it a step further by calling himself…er…sexy.
He had a couple of hits like “Souljah by tell ’em” and “Donk”. No seriously, if you went to a club 4/5 years ago and this song came on, it was almost delirium; and of course you had to have those select few women who would twerk to “She got a donk” – some of them didn’t have “donks” to begin with, but I digress. All in all, his flows are garbage and comical. Period. Now I don’t dislike Souljah, don’t know him, never met him and he’s made more money than I can imagine, but man….
4. “Laffy Taffy” 2005
This was another nursery rhyme song referring to a girl’s derriere and fellatio. If you were an english teacher you would be pleased with the amount of metaphors, similes, and analogies in this track (sarcasm).
Chorus: “Shake that laffy taffy, that laffy taffy”. Here’s a sample of a verse which they didn’t even TRY to rhyme, because they were so focused on the appeal of hoes/whores.
“Workin’ them micros
On the stilettos
You made it skeet skeet skeet
Like a water whores (candy girl)”
**wouldn’t it have sounded better to say, “Like a water HOSE”?**
Damn I should be a rapper if that’s the case.
I won’t even bother to go further into the nonsense of this song. If you ever get the chance to listen to it, let your ears know first.
5. “Snake” 2000
Artist: Big Tymers
This album as a whole was actually pretty good. This period of time was when southern rap took the industry by storm (1998-2001) and hasn’t waned since. Master P, Big Tymers (Lil Wayne, Mannie Fresh, Birdman, Turk, Juvenile), Silkk the Shocker, Trina, were among the catalysts of that era that started the renaissance. Okay, enough props. This track here….THIS track here,… you know what..
“I know you wish you could find a
N_gga with a d_ck like an Anaconda
I know you wish you could know a
N_gga with a d_ck like a big Cobra
I know you wish you could go home
To a n_gga with a d_ck like a Python
I know you wish you could get a date
With a n_gga with a d_ck like a Rattlesnake
another quickie I had to share this:
I asked her had she been f_cked inside of a Hummer
She say no…but I s_ck d_ck like a plummer”
So I learned three things from the following bars, if you want to call them that: 1) A plumber, not ‘plummer’ gives good blow jobs. 2) Mannie Fresh loves the fact he’s well endowed. 3) His johnson can be mistaken and/or compared to a snake.
6. “All Gold Everything” 2012
Artist: Trinidad James
I was in the store several months back and heard some teenagers singing the lyrics “Gold all in my chain”.. “Gold all in my watch”.. “Don’t believe me just watch”. A week or so after, I was on the transit and heard it again from a group of teens who then added, “Trinidad James, dat ni**a is hot” So I decided to google it, then you tube the actual song. This is what I saw:
No more words.
7. “The Whisper Song” 2005
Artist: Yin Yang Twins
While this was an interesting novelty – whispering while rapping – they’re not really saying much of anything. And after the first minute or so, the whispering becomes too redundant.
8. “Pretty Bi**h” & “Suck My D*ck H*e” 2011
Artist: LiL’ B
Yeah I had to put two songs because this was the moment when I said, “I have seen it all”. I’m not kidding. Rap has truly gone in the toilet. To emphasize how bad this is, I sent the link of the song to a buddy of mine and he said and I quote: “I literally felt like less of a man watching and listening to this”.
9. “My Neck, My Back” 2002
Didn’t think I’d put a female on here did you? Now she is no Remy Ma, Rah-Digga, M.C. Lyte, or any other hot female MC’s from back in the day. As much as she tries to put her sexiness in the song, she fails. There is no real lyrical content in this song at all. No flows that make you say, “wow…okay then!” Nope. Nada.
I’m sure you agree she’s not holding all the cards when it comes to sex appeal either. This was a club hit back in 2002, and I’m sure she made a killing off this track, but she hasn’t said much about her crack thereafter. And besides how many dudes you know really eat the crack? uuuhh…Never mind.
10. “Imma eat her a$$” 2011
Artist: LiL’ B
This song is so bad I literally laughed while listening to it. After I saw the aforementioned LiL’ B songs a while back I looked at this one and said to myself, “how bad could it be”? Well it was. Sad thing is, he has millions of viewers on you tube. I have heard through the grapevine he is actually pretty talented on mix tapes and underground stuff. Maybe he should get serious and start doing that instead of…this.
As I was doing this list I was going to put Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s diss track to Hulk Hogan called “Be a Man”, but two things stopped me from doing this: 1) He is no longer with us 2) He was one of my favorite wrestlers from way back when, so I was kind of biased. And besides, he’s not/wasn’t an MC to begin with. He did a track,..well,… because he didn’t like Hulk Hogan. And come to think of it, the song wasn’t THAT bad.
If you’re interested in listening to it for the hell of it I have posted it below. So readers that’s my list. I’m sure you have a few stinkers to add, please …please do. I am anxious to hear what you have to say.