Signs Your Boyfriend’s Real Girlfriend is His Mama
I was actually laughing to myself as I was writing the title, because all I could think of was this movie scene.
“If he’s good to his mom then he’ll be good to me”… “See how he treats his mother and that’s how he’ll treat you”.
Sounds familiar doesn’t it? We as men always have an infinite amount of love for our mothers; and those who have been raised by single mothers are more than likely ten-fold in the love department. And ladies sometimes you have to deal with that although there shouldn’t be competition. I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that some women have issues with this and feel somewhat threatened by the relationship between a man and his mother. I’ve even heard theories that they actually coined the term “Mama’s Boy”.
Let me ask this though: What happens when your man goes too far? You are ALWAYS runner-up to mom dukes no matter what. I’m serious. You can’t cook, clean, decorate, or nurse him to health like his mother. Regardless of what you do, you can never measure up to good ol’ mommy dearest. If this is the case, you may have a Mama’s Boy on your hands.
While there may be some generalizations here, some are downright on point. Those of you who are indeed MB’s you’ve done this type of stuff. It’s okay, I ain’t mad. On the other hand gents don’t get it twisted – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving your mom and treating her with infinite love and respect.
But sometimes brothers go too far like…..
He usually begins with, “Well my mom says…”
Need I say more?
He and his mother have their own ‘special day’
The first time they did this… The first time she took him for that… Every year since the ‘first time’, they have done something to celebrate it. Don’t be surprised if it’s at the expense of your evening or daytime plans with him.
“But Michelle you know mom and I…”
“Plans? Oh naw Stephanie, remember me and mom dukes…”
Uhhh, yeah that’s about right.
Their interactions are way too close
Nothing wrong with showing affection towards your mother but there should be a distinction between who the wife is and who the mother is. I know cultures have different ways of showing affection but nevertheless.
In the car, he always insists she sits up front
Now I’ve had discussions with brothers on this situation and the opinions varied to a great degree. Some have stated they’d prefer their mom sit up front, while others said only if they were married they’d let their wife sit up front, but a girlfriend would sit in the back. Then there’s the minority that has said they would stay neutral and let the two of them figure it out.
In my opinion, that would be the more prudent choice. However, in the case of most Mama’s Boys, whether you’re married or not, they will insist you sit in the back seat at all costs without hesitation, negotiation, no if’s, but’s or maybe’s.
He’s always taking her side
I touched on this in a previous article If women need to know just ask part 2. I won’t go into great detail but I feel the bottom line is this: Stay neutral unless you really felt one of them was totally out-of-pocket. In the case of a mama’s boy, he’s always taking mom’s side even if she’s blatantly wrong. It’ll get to the point where it feels like he doesn’t want to hurt his mothers feelings all the while disregarding yours.
This song played as your wedding’s first dance
His mother invites herself over and cleans
Let’s say for instance she comes over for a visit whether or not it’s a special occasion. Out of the blue she starts cleaning your house for no reason. While doing so she asks why are certain things aren’t done, or out-of-order. She starts picking things up or sorting things out because she still thinks since he lives there it’s her house too.
Imagine this scenario: She goes through your refrigerator and asks, “You don’t feed my son?…You know he needs to eat”. “Why haven’t you all gone grocery shopping?” How about: “Did you make sure to press and iron his shirts?” Who knows, maybe she’s concerned. -_-
At any rate, your mother in-law should not be coming to your home to handle any ‘domestic’ things pertaining to your household—unless you asked her for assistance.
When shopping, he buys her things too
It doesn’t matter where you go, whether it be for an appliance for the house, groceries, perfume, etc. He’ll always feel the need to buy something for his mother. If it’s her birthday or Mother’s day and it happens to coincide with a day that the two of you went out and he gets her something no harm no foul, right? Ladies?
I’ve gone to the Cheesecake Factory with the misses and have gotten a piece of cheesecake for mom before (don’t judge me). How do you react when this becomes the norm and he always has to get something for her? How about when the two of you are out and it’s his treat, and it turns into a “look for something for mom” date?
Ladies have you dated a mamas boy? How was your experience? Gents how do you feel about the whole mama’s boy verbage? Is it an unfair term aimed at those who simply love their mother’s or is it accurate? AND I am curious on your thoughts on the backseat scenario.
Peace and much love
“…Smart Men Rock”
01/15/19 Post title updated. Original title, “Sorry Ladies, Mama’s Always Right:So You’re Dating a Mama’s Boy”
Wow! The situations you described are what I would view as extreme. Yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if there are men who really do those things.
I’ve always had a close relationship with my mother, but it’s never gotten in the way of any of my relationships, especially not to the degree described in this post.
I used to take slight offense to the views and opinions shared about mama’s boys, but when I’ve discussed the topic further with women I know there definition of a mama’s boy doesn’t fit me.
If a man is doing the things you described, I believe he’s doing the most and truly does deserve the mama’s boy label.
So in a nutshell, men who are close to their mothers are undeserving of the mama’s boys label. It should be reserved for the men who take their relationship with their mother’s to a-whole-nother level.
In regards to the backseat scenario, I tend to lean towards your view on it. I would definitely place the decision of who sits where on them. They are two adults, they should both be able to figure that out in a respectful manner…without dragging me into it or trying to make me pick a side.
Some of these may be scenarios where the man is doing the most, but the sad thing is i’ve witnessed some of them. I kind of felt bad for the woman involved (she really loved this guy) and it got to the point where I had to pull the brother aside and talk to him and see where his head was at.
And I would HOPE that no man would dance to “dear mama” at their wedding. That was more or less for sh*ts and giggles.
I can dig that. I’d feel sorry for a woman in a position like that too. It can’t be easy on her at all.
I’m curious, how did the man respond after you two spoke?
He was oblivious to what I was saying but he eventually came around, however he still had that ‘no one comes before mom’ attitude though.
That’s wild. The most surprising thing to me is that he was oblivious to it.
Thanks a lot for answering my question. I appreciate that Cortonio.
I have a love/hate relationship with mama’s boys. I love that they respect their mother and treat men well because of it. You can just tell the difference. But then they start talking about how they have to pay their moms mortgage because she needs help. I don’t want to have visions of his mother living with us in a couple years. That’s sort of a scary thought.
Indeed. Some women can make a future with “mama’s boys” while others can not.
Is that a deal breaker for you?