It’s been a few weeks now and things seem different. The affection has waned. You’re not seeing each other as much (even if you live together there’s not much quality time), and the sex has not only curtailed but it doesn’t feel the same. You ask and she says things like, “I’m okay just going through some things” or “I just haven’t been feeling myself lately”. After all, we all have our days right? We go through our personal ruts so nothing to see here …correct? You’ve tried talking about it but she continues to insist nothing is wrong.
As days go by things continue as they were and you’re not feeling a positive vibe at all. Something is wrong but you just can’t put your finger on it. You try to rationalize several different things going on and then it hits you in the face. You get up one night to use the bathroom, and before you walk out the room you hear her phone vibrating. You’re not thinking much of it, so you continue on your way. When you get back, her phone has vibrated again. “It’s 2:00 in the morning, who is calling or texting her?” you ask yourself.
Now, you’re not the type to check up after your woman and you’re pretty secure with your relationship yet your instincts is telling you to check it anyway. And coupled with the way things have been going you figure to go ahead and do it. You pick up the phone, which happens to be unlocked and your fears have been confirmed:
2:03 am – Hey sexy, u up? Was just thinking about you. 😉
2:04 am – U at the crib? Can I cum thru?
2:07 am – Btw, the other night…Damn! Anyway let me know.
Your heart is racing, your mind is running a million miles an hour and you’re gripped with confusion, shock, and then anger. You put down the phone thinking about your next move. Changing your mind, you get the phone again, forward the message to your phone and proceed to walk over to the bed, wake her up and confront her. After questioning her actions it’s been officially confirmed, she’s been messing around with someone. She tells you it’s no one you know as if that’s going to be a consolation prize. She then breaks down, cries and apologizes repeatedly. Staying as calm as possible you ask her to leave.
So after all that, now what? You’re sitting in your bed wondering what the fcuk just happened. How did this happen? When? How long had this been going on? What am I going to tell people? Or do I?
Cheating is wrong on a lot of levels. I understand people in relationships/marriages have rough patches and stumbling blocks but what are you gaining after stepping out and engaging in a bout of passion? Perhaps it can be rationalized as one of the following:
* At times you may feel unwanted / unappreciated and you want to see if you still got ‘it’.
* Perhaps you’re not getting enough physical satisfaction.
* You may have met your match sexually but you’re just greedy.
* You feel wronged so the best revenge is to go out and get some.
* There’s certain things that he/she won’t do, so you go elsewhere to someone who will.
So on to answer the question what to do…Do you let things cool off and accept her apology and take her back? Do you move on and chalk it up to the game? You did forward the text to your phone, so do you call the other man and get at him?
You loved this woman and the notion of having to start all over again may not be the most intriguing. Having to learn someone all over again, their likes, dislikes, quirks, etc, is not as easy as one may think. If you take her back you’re always going to have what she did in the back of your mind and it’ll take a time to rebuild the trust and love you once had. If you let her go you may have missed out on an opportunity of sincere reconciliation and things may have become much better moving forward.
And as far as calling the brother, confronting him and having that sense of accomplishment after doing so, is he REALLY to blame? A man is only going to go as far as a woman let’s him. And in this case he did, period. In addition, it’s not as though he was your homeboy or relative.
Tough questions all around or maybe not.
So OM readers what is your take of this situation? Why do you think people feel the absolute need to step out? What should one do in this situation? What have you done? How do we solve this conundrum called love and betrayal? Talk to me.
peace and love
Updated on 01/15/19, Post originally entitled, “So She Cheated, Now What’s a Man to Do?”