I’ve come to realize that I have had way too many conversations about relationships with women. Between those real life conversations and the bevy of side-eye inducing social media commentary, one thing is for certain – every one of these lovely women considers herself a great catch. Successful. Intelligent. Attractive. Independent and exceptional in bed. According to them, it doesn’t get any better than that. Curiously enough however, apparently it does…according to those men who didn’t answer their relationship call. Is it possible all those men got it wrong?
So what’s the problem? Clearly the sexes view life through different lenses. And that’s okay ladies. So although you may feel you have it ‘going on’, it might be helpful to at least understand the qualities men are truly drawn to and how you measure up. There may be a few qualities you either over/undervalued that are keeping you slightly out of reach of being considered a ‘good catch’.
As subjective as this is, let’s look at some key characteristics that could mean the difference between you being considered ‘a good catch’ or just a ‘good time’.
Not a real word, but you understand it just the same. You are indeed special. However, so is he. You are just as privileged to be in his company as he is in yours. The onus to ‘impress’ is not solely on his shoulders. If the interest is mutual, you both are responsible for bringing something to the table. And no, your bedroom acumen is not among those table worthy items and will never serve as a substitute for great personality and strong character.
Furthermore, any willingness to give up the booty has never and will never entitle you to a relationship. So sex wisely.
Bottom line: A woman that understands that she isn’t owed anything for simply existing has the upper hand on her competition and is a breath of fresh air.
Acceptance of Self
You can break every mirror in your home to avoid facing your reflection. You can delude yourself into seeing only the good in yourself. You can train your mind to forget your shortcomings. But no matter how hard you try, you will never succeed in running from yourself. If you cannot be truthful with yourself about yourself, it will be impossible for you to be truthful with your man about you.
You’re human. No one is perfect, nor is any man expecting you to be. How could he when he too is imperfect? So allow that man to accept you for who you are. The real you…flaws and all. Otherwise, you’re selling a dream that one day he will wake up from. And so will begin your nightmare once you realize you lost out on a good man.
Yes, the dreaded “A” word. Accountability. As much as you may be tired of hearing it, trust me, men are just as tired of saying it. But it is extremely true ladies. The ‘V’ in vagina does not stand for “Victim perpetually”. When you make a poor choice (especially one that affects your relationship or partner in some way), own it. It’s okay. It won’t kill you to do so. In fact, it is not only good for any relationship you’re in, it is exceptionally good for you.
Being able to accept responsibility means you are less likely to excuse irresponsibility. It is a sign of maturity and realistic thinking which men undoubtedly appreciate far more than the alternative – needless frustration.
Principles are promises you make to yourself to govern your behavior. Discipline is how well you keep those promises. Of course there are moments that call for flexibility of your principles given certain situations you are faced with. However, if you find yourself constantly or egregiously compromising your principles, you have to ask yourself: “Whats more important to me: What I want to do, or what I need to do”?
My point is this: if you lack the discipline to uphold promises you make to yourself, how can any man place faith in the promises you make to your relationship or to him?
Degrees are a very nice personal accomplishment. They do wonders for your academic accolades, career advancement and earning potential. But as impressive as they are (and they are impressive), they have nothing to do with how good of a girlfriend/wife you are or will be to your significant other. Because of this we don’t give a damn about your wall of degrees as it pertains to our relationship with you. What we do give a damn about is your ability to help turn the house we purchased together into an actual home. Preferably one filled with plenty of love and well adjusted children.
By all means this is not reducing your academic accomplishments and life’s purpose to that of a simple homemaker. However, in your journey to advance yourself academically to take on the world, don’t neglect your education in basic life skills. Yes, I am talking specifically about household management (cooking, cleaning etc). The ability to take care of and sustain yourself as an independent woman is desirable because it is transferable to family life down the road. Your degrees are merely icing on the cake.
Passion & Desire
It’s not the degrees that make you attractive, it’s everything behind it – your dedication, focus and passion.A woman that sets personal goals in any arena (not just academically) and makes strides to accomplish them is hands down attractive. From small goals, to much larger life goals, being in a perpetual state of growth and self improvement is in fact a turn on. You don’t need a degree to prove you are a goal smashing, driven individual. All you need is ambition.
A woman with aspiration is an inspiration to her man and her family.
So you’ve accepted yourself. Good. Now mean what you say and say what you mean, not what you believe sounds good. Whether you are a serial monogamist or a serial bed hopperist, try not blur the lines of your dating intentions and circumstances. He may or may not be on the same page as you (and that’s okay), but at a minimum he will respect you for your transparency. So be real. Otherwise it’s game playing, and that will make all the difference in the level of respect that man has for you and consequently how he treats you.
Play at your own risk. The choice is yours.
And there it is folks. A few examples of what constitutes a “Good catch” in a man’s eyes. Remember ladies, what we require from you has little to do with what you can do for us, but rather the type of person that you are to us. <- Let that marinate.
So my Opinionated family, your thoughts: Do you agree/disagree? Ladies, what do you think? Fellas, help the ladies understand – what makes a woman a ‘Good Catch’ in your eyes versus just a ‘Good Time’? Sound off!!
P.S. Check out what one young woman has to say about being a good catch in her write up “Reasons You’re A Good Catch And Still Single“. Written by OM’s resident commenter Berna on her blog (Berna’s Vibe The Way I See It), she has given a woman’s perspective thats well worth the read!
Updated on 01/15/19, Post originally entitled, “What Men Really Want: A Woman’s Guide to Being a Good Catch”