Is Your Manhood in Check? Things That Make a Man Look Weak
Men in general since the beginning of time have been instilled with the the gene to be the provider, protector, and that stubborn “I can do it without any help” attitude – basically when you know you’re in a bind and your woman tries to help you and you shut her down.
Men also have been injected with that medicine called ‘male pride’. *Disclaimer now some men can be no good pieces of crap and could care less about anyone but themselves*. All in all, even if it means putting their foot in their mouths, or having ‘egg on their face’, as long as a man feels he stuck to his guns and put his foot down, it’s okay.
Not so fast though! Men can also do and say things that make them look extremely vulnerable, not only to their women but their peers/families as well. Here are a few:
1. Constant arguing (especially with women)
“Walk silent and carry a big stick”…
“A man of few words”…
“Doesn’t need to yell and scream to get his point across”…
…aren’t just cliche’s. They are actually very true and a lot of men fail to adhere to them. I won’t front fellow readers, I get caught up too (LoL), although such an instance is rare and I am not a person to ‘cuss someone out’.
A man is just that, a man. When you sit there and get into constant verbal sparring battles with people (especially with women) it is not a good look. It almost makes you look feminine yourself. Sometimes just saying few words or only speaking when you can to make a strong point as opposed to babbling and yelling along with your counterpart is the best way.
I’ve also learned and experienced that sometimes speaking calmly during an argument is effective because it can diffuse a situation. We are human and tend to become emotional because we’re not robots and do have feelings. In the end however, it’s always better to approach a situation logically, not emotionally.
2. Not being handy or durable
Hey fellas, there are some things we just can’t fix or have expertise in fixing such as with plumbing or electrical work; leave that to the pros.
However, fixing or installing some things around the house should be your forte’. It won’t hurt to do things like install a new shower head, fix a leaky faucet, or install a radio. There shouldn’t be any excuse especially since you can simply go on Youtube and look it up.
If you can’t do those for whatever reason you better be able to go out do yard work. Bottom line, your lady shouldn’t be the sole person mowing the lawn, raking leaves, or shoveling snow. If anything you should be the one to do those things. If she is doing the gardening and volunteers to help you, especially if you are doing some serious yard work, no problem.
In the end your woman SHOULD NOT be doing the bulk of the handy work around the house. The inability to be handy or durable is not a good look especially if you’re a family man and/or homeowner.
3. Incessant crying
Men sometimes get so overwhelmed with joy, anger, or sadness that they may shed that tear. No matter how strong you are emotionally sometimes you are drained and have nothing else to do but cry.
Popular opinion says that when a man cries he is often viewed as weak, or a straight punk b*yotch. I’m inclined to disagree because again, men are human and have emotions too.
However, if you are crying over everything you come across i.e., movies, arguments, etc., that certainly isn’t viewed as strong at all. In fact, you need to go sit down somewhere and in the words of the late Bernie Mac, “Go do some damn push-ups or something”! There are times you have to be that rock for your family and be strong.
4. Constant need for approval
“How do I look in this”? “Did that come out good”? “How was I last night” (in bed)?…C’mon mayne! A man – a strong man- doesn’t need to be constantly reminded or reassured about anything. A man should be confident about his. If you had sex with a woman, either you put in work or you didn’t; but to constantly ask if it was good….no sir. If you just so happen to be a two pump chump, well go back to good ol’ Bernie Mac –“I got mine, you better get yours…”
Sometimes we do need that reassurance from our woman, but not all the time. If you take care of your business the way you should, you don’t need to worry. There are rare exceptions: if you cooked something for the first time or are a novice at cooking period, you may want to know if it came out good. Nothing wrong with asking. All in all the constant need for reassurance isn’t exactly a strong characteristic for a man.
5. Too financially dependent
A marriage/relationship is a partnership and the both of you should have each others back, not her carrying you on her back. To me, there are very few things worse than having a man sit back while his woman constantly foots the expenses. There isn’t much more to be said about that.
A man should, for the most part, be able to hold his own financially. And while we’re at it, tone down with the borrowing money from your boys or being cheap when you all go out.
6. Not being a disciplinarian to your children
“Wait ’till your father gets home”, or “I’m telling your father” sounds good doesn’t it? Those phrases means you are doing a good job with your children. Your children should not be scared sh**less of you, but they should have that respect and natural fear of you. You are the father and in relative terms the head of the household, not your children. You should never be afraid to put your foot in a child’s a$$ (within appropriate reason of course). Any father that will allow his child/ren to talk back or disrespect their mother in any way shape or form should have his dad card taken away. And speaking of disrespect…
7. Letting others disrespect your woman
Now, I know it’s crazy out there and men will have no problem using extreme violence to solve problems. I’m not asking a man to put his life in danger. If someone disrespects your woman it’s a tough call, not so much whether or not you defend her, but more so how you go about doing it. Sometimes you may have to get physical with a brotha.
If someone makes an obscene or rude comment, sometimes you have to pick your battles and let it ride. However, if a man puts his hands on your woman, throws a drink on her, or something to that extent, than hey, do what you must. Your job though is to make sure she knows and understands that she is safe with you and that you will have her back.
At the end of the day, be sure you are careful though, because you never know what the next man may have; and you don’t want to leave her husband-less and your children father-less because you wanted to play hero.
8. Whining and complaining
If something happens and things aren’t going your way, and if you have your time to vent, do it. There comes a time where you have to devise a strategy to rectify it. If you didn’t get that raise or promotion, you may sulk and vent but then work harder to get it next time. If someone cut you off in traffic, let it ride. If you hate your job, find another place of employment. Pissing and moaning about you not getting your way makes you a punk. Period.
So that’s MY take on what makes men wussies.
Fellas, what are some other things you feel would make a man look weak? Ladies, what are some things you have seen a man do that made him look weak in your eyes?
People of Opinionated Male, the floor is yours.
**P.S. – DON’T FORGET to kick off your weekend with us LIVE tomorrow morning [July 6th], 11am -1pm as we GUEST APPEAR on the “Walk In Heels” morning show. We will be chatting it up with the lovely hostess’ about errythang, so TUNE IN and start this one Saturday morning off with Mr. SoBo and Cortonio.
Cortonio
My motto is, "Live, love and laugh". Check me out in the "Men Behind The Pen" section on OpinionatedMale.com.
55 Comments
bernasvibe
As stated before & I’ll say it one more time for the record..I’m attracted to Alpha brothers. Nothing less will suffice as a mate for me; so its a no-brainer that I’d agree with ALL you’ve written on this topic..I’d like to add one more to the list…NONE of us can control everything..One of lifes’ biggest lessons is learning to learn to accept the things we can’t control. One thing we can control though? Is our tempers..I’m of the opinion when a man loses control easily of his temper; its a sign of weakness. Shows severe lack of discipline. And? If he’s a loose cannon with his temper; theres no telling how or when he might..snap! I steer clear of these type of men. Busy weekend for me indeed so more than likely I’ll miss your live broadcast..But I’m hoping you’ll post a recorded clip of it soon after..Good luck!
Cortonio
yes you’re right, it does show a huge lack of discipline. And when a man does that it’s a huge no bueno
bernasvibe
Virtual Hi 5^
Stac
Addressing number 7 first off is huge for me. I love to feel protected! My guy doesn’t have to fight but freaking say something if someone says something out of line to me. I don’t want to take the male role in the relationship always saying something when a man says something disrespectful. It makes me respect the man less and less and less each time it happens.
Ask my ex, I can’t stand a whiner, I would flat out say stop whining.
Crying I don’t mind as long as its sincere and not excessive.
At least attempting to fix something or do something manly and I mean really really trying is good enough for me. But if you can’t fix shit, please be really at at other things, no shiftless negros along here.
Cortonio
I totally agree, but because of the lack of a strong male presence in the household a lot of young boys wind up becoming one of these type of men. As far as protecting the woman, like I stated it depends on how you go about it, but yes every woman should feel safe around their man.
Pingback:
Nakesha
Nice post. I’m glad to see a guy write this. 🙂 Good job. (wink)
Mr SoBo
Welcome to the OM Nakesha.
Cortonio
thanks Nakesha….welcome to OM. I’m sure there are men out there who have a lot of these issues as well…LoL
Breazy Taylor
Being afraid to speak up. There is nothing worse than a man that’ll let any and everybody walk over him and not say anything because he doesn’t want to rock the boat”.
Cortonio
I agree, when it comes to dealing in a relationship….absolutely. However, sometimes you have to pick your battles, especially when on the job. Point well taken though.
urbanexpressive
I cosign this list; especially the part about not being handy. The only thing worse than a man that isn’t handy is one who…. well, let’s not go there. You don’t have to be able to renovate a kitchen, but you should be able to put together whatever comes in a box and has a cord. Extra points if you don’t need to look at the instructions.
Other than that, what makes a man look weak is when he can’t own up to what he’s done wrong, or not well enough. Acknowledge it, learn from it and move on. No one’s perfect, but you have to be man enough to accept whatever the outcome may be.
Oh, and flip flops. Unless you are on the beach, or own a falafel truck, wearing flip flops will make a man look weak.
Mr SoBo
“Oh, and flip flops. Unless you are on the beach, or own a falafel truck, wearing flip flops will make a man look weak”
Now hold on there; you just wait a minute got d@mnit. Now i’m with you on being handy, and maybe even on owning up to mistakes. But the flip flops is where you crossed the line.
As a man that owns several pairs of flip flops and looks forward to the summers so I can wear them (not for fashion, but for comfort), I have to object. lol. They are so absolutely the best things. Maybe its the island in me. This is obviously a cultural difference. smh. My flip flops don’t make me look weak d@mn you! *angrily shakes flip flop*
Cortonio
I think she means like slippers type flip flops, not sandals..LoL. I could be wrong though.
urbanexpressive
Lol. I just don’t want to ever have to see a man’s toes ::shudders::
Besides, what if as you mentioned you have to defend your womans honor…. How can you do that while trying to keep flip flops on your feet? Lol!
Mr SoBo
lol. Well. this is why men should make it a habit to walk barefoot from time to time to toughen the soles of their feet.
Ted
I think this comment and several others is why trying to come up with “ways a man seems weak” doesn’t work. Everyone has their list. For this woman, it’s flip-flops and for others it’s acts of kindness. And as lists go, neither is “wrong”. It just shows “subjective” reasoning, that is a decision about an act without knowing WHY the act was performed is simply biased thinking. Take acts of kindness for example. If one has a religion which states one should perform acts of kindness, does that make him weak and indicate he is trying to buy your affections or does that make him committed to his religion? Well, maybe you should find out. I think lists like these are what people did on the playground and I guess, unfortunately, it hasn’t stopped….
darrkgable
*Salutes* for the list. Now to get more men to understand these points. We need late 20s to mid 40s men to teach and show the youngins coming up now how to exude these qualities.
Mr SoBo
Agreed.
1prettyorchid
It’s sad to say that I have dated at least every guy in this article. Esp ones who were not handy at all.
Mr SoBo
Then you must now have a very well defined idea of the type of man you desire.
Lee
What a load of crap. There is thankfully a great deal of diversity among people of the same gender. Women are not a generic group, nor are men.
I do not need a protector, I want a partner. Although I am married, I d not need or want a protector. I get quite angry if men think they need to protect me because I am…female and sigh…incapable of planting a knee, thigh deep in some poor sods testicles. I can and do look after myself very well.
I do not care how much my man earns. I don’t give a rats. I amcfar more interested in my own earning capacity than his. I am attracted to a man who understands that most of these stupid assumptions are culturally imposed and nothing more than that. A man who understands that I do not expect him to support me. I pull my weight.
I find men with the confidence to be themselves, to cry if they wish to cry, to express and live as they really want, rather than living up to a shallow social expectation. That is the measure of confidence and true strength. It doesn’t take much strength to ‘play the game’ and really it is just another form of dishonesty.
Sensitive guys also make great lovers. They haven’t learnt their technique from bad porn, but from really becoming intimate with the female body and intune with the sexuality of the individual. They aren’t judgemental and don’t have preconcieved expectations about what women should and shouldn’t do amd feel. One can share ones deepest fantasy and know there will be no judgment.
Nothing is better than a direct relationship wth someone who is open and honest.
Having reached 43 years of age, and having married both the type of male you espouse as the ideal here and the sensitive guy, I can honestly say that with maturity comes the understanding that, for me, the strong silent types make lousy long term mates.
Really with taking advice like this men risk pickng up only one type of woman. He misses out on attracting those women who find the opposite attractive. Give me a genuine guy without the games any day. Since turning 40 I find that I have blossomed into a self assured woman who considers men truly equal. I dont’need the games or want them.
Cortonio
Lee, first off welcome to OM. It’s good to see that you are a complete package and don’t NEED a man to do those things for you. However, you are one of the few exceptions, and in no way this is to disparage women because they are weak if their man can’t do the aforementioned things. I personally feel a man should not engage in constant wining/crying and definitely not bickering with his or any woman. Learn to walk away and only use words when need be. As far as fixing things I’m not saying a man must do those things for his woman but he should need to do those things for himself. I feel if a man is devoid of these 10 things, yes he tends look weak. Just because you can defend yourself I’m sure you wouldn’t want your man letting another disrespect you, would you? And I’m sure if there was a noise downstairs and a man let his woman go check it out while he sleeps, I guarantee you that relationship is all but done or he has some major explaining to do. And I’m sure you may not give a rats derrier as to what your man makes but I’m sure in any relationship if a woman paid all the bills, and had to constantly open her purse when they went out together there would be problems. I am pleased you are happy in your relationship however, God Bless.
Lee
Hi, thanks for your reply. I would like to address one point. If I am disrespected. I will deal with it myself. If I need someone else to back me up I will ask for help. I have been in that situation and I actually was upset with him for intervening. It was my situation and I can deal with it myself. His involvement was not welcome. To presume it is ones right to become involved is rude.
Mr SoBo
I’m curious as to why the presumption about your husband’s intervention is one that suggests you are weak and incapable of defending yourself. Just a thought, but has it occurred that since you are his wife (a woman he loves), he felt just as disrespected that this individual disrespected you? People generally protect the things (or in this case, the people) they love and care about. I would imagine your significant other would have done the same for his mother, sister, father and/or brother, no?
Lee
Hi, it has nothing to do with being weak etc. I just think that gender is not relevant. Most of what you define as gender differences are actually social constructs. I rather handle my own situations and am independant. I personally would prefer to be asked. I would show the same respect toward my spouse. I do not think it a mans duty to protect his spouse, because he is a man and she a woman. Perhaps the difference is more that I have never internalised the way society says men and women should behave and act. I am me. Me, the person. Not the gender role. Gender roles are social. I live by my own rules that work for me, for my personality, my preferences. I am happier for it.
Mr SoBo
Gender roles are partially social constructs. They are birthed out of our biological functions. Our distinctive physiological differences are large indicators of the different roles men and women have played on this earth for and to each other for our entire existence. I find it rather disingenuous that in the name of social progress and so called ‘progressive thought’ it is convenient to overlook this [inconvenient] truth as if somehow gender roles are evil and were masterminded for the sole purposes of socially oppressing a certain segment of the population. Did it eventually become that? Arguably, yes it did. Thank goodness we have moved away from that time, however I don’t particularly feel gender neutralizing everything is a viable recipe for success. Two locks are absolutely useless to each other as two keys. Yet the key is just as important to the lock as the lock is to the key despite serving different functions to each other.
But I hear what you are saying and I totally respect your position, especially within this comment here. To each his/her own and we will do what works for us in our respective lives.
Again, welcome to the OM.
Lee
Don’t be ridiculious. Me being disrespected has no reflection on him at all. I am a separate person. You and I have very differebt positions on what men and women do. And if we had an intruder in the house and we were both home, we would handle it together. Strength in numbers. I would fight beside my spouse. For gods sake women fight on the front line in many countries. You are talking of the traditional woman, not women like me.
Mr SoBo
“Don’t be ridiculious. Me being disrespected has no reflection on him at all. I am a separate person…And if we had an intruder in the house and we were both home, we would handle it together. Strength in numbers. “
So which is it? Are you separate and strong enough to deal with everything on your own, or do you tackle problems together with your spouse because thats what loving couples do? When you and your husband confront this intruder are you fighting for yourself, or are you fighting for your husband’s life as much as you are your own? When he is by your side confronting this intruder, is he only fighting for himself, or is he fighting for your life as well? Or do you play a game of rock paper scissors beforehand to see who has the right to confront? Any threat to you is a threat to him and vice versa.
Just as you are unified in financing, building, maintaining and defending your home against an intruder, it only makes sense that same principle will unify you in matters outside of the home as well. The military, gangs, pack of wild animals or any faction of sentient beings containing two or more able bodies bound by a relationship operate in the same fashion.
From what I gather from your sentiments, your position appears to be more rooted in a need to prove that you can do all these things on your own, rather than simply allowing yourself to recognize the laws of human nature. Your husband’s attempt to ‘defend your honor’ is also his attempt at preserving his own; and that it is in no way reducing you to a helpless damsel in distress who needs a hero to rescue her. I think this is where our perspective differs.
Again, what are your thoughts on my original response: “People generally protect the things (or in this case, the people) they love and care about. I would imagine your significant other would have done the same for his mother, sister, father and/or brother, no?”
Lee
I think you miss my point. My point is simply that the response to each situation is not determined by gender. Who fixes what, who protects who, who fulfills what role should not be determined by the gender associated norms outlined in this article. These are stereotypes. Strength of character is the meassure of any strong man or woman. Their willingness to be honest, even when honesty is difficult, their willingness to act bravely even though they feel fear, committment to integrity of thought and action, even in the face of condemnation. Such people say what they mean and do what they say. These are strengths by which a person should be judged; be they man or woman. And as a woman, I would be proud to be the wife of such a man.
Some men, I myself know, who have the characteristics in this article, I would actually say are weak. One man specifically, for example would punch anyone who insulted his wife and was a keen handyman. He presented as the typical alpha male espoused here as ‘strong’. But he was also a liar, serial sex offender and caused many untold misery. He on the surface ticked all the boxes in this article. But real strength, is is something different; strength of character and that my friends, is not related to gender. And it is these deep rooted characteristics that make someone a wonderful spouse.
Some of the supposed strengths in the article are shallow meaningless stereotypes; not meaningful characteristics that would maintain and nuture a relationship for a lifetime.
My stance, or rather the actions I take are based on ‘what is most practical in this situation?’ What will achieve the best result in this context?’ Gender stereotypes don’t factor in to it.
As for your comment about the intruder. I have had this happen several times as I live in a very rough area. There have been times when I have responded alone and times when we did together. It is just a numbers games and has nothing to do with the gender of the persons involved. If overpowering were to take two, we two would go. If one could, then it would be one. Either he or I. The point you miss is that my response, or indeed my husbands is not related to my gender.
I don’t live that way. I negotiate my life person to person, not woman to man. I do not fit the profile of a woman this article implies obviously, hence the article, by definition (look up stereotype in the dictionary) presents a stereotypical view of men and women and therefore is innacurate.
The reason the article bothered me is that I have a daughter. I would like her to not limit herself in life due to her gender. I want her to be independant and to know she can take care if herself, if she so chooses. And I would aslo like it if she had greater access to information that taught her about the very real and valuable qulaities to look for in a man. Real strength of character cannot be faked, it does not fade with time and it privides a firm foundation on which to build a better relationship. Sadly too few of our teen girls are exposed to such dialogue and many drift into abusive relationships with weak men, who may have ticked all the ‘alpha male’ boxes but were just shadows of real men in disguise.
I also believe that equally so, life is inhibited and repressive for the male struggling to stay within the boundaries of a narrow social gender norms.
If what I am saying is so wrong, why is it that I and my husband have such a happy marriage, with a love that is unchanged from the day we met?
I put it down to having a relationship based on equality, honesty, open communication, integrity of thought and action, kindness, tolerance and a shared sense of fun and adventure.
Lee
Wrong about me again. I earn more than my husband does. We have talked about him dropping out of the work force were I to get one more promotion because it would mean someone would be home for my daughter. Who does or does not work and whether income is shared or one supports the other, is for me an issue of practicality. Whatever situation is most practical. If I am earning enough that he is able to stay home with the kids, well and good. Again you are talkijg about a social construct/expectation. Stuff social norms. They are so limiting. I know you don’t agree with my position, but what I can say is losing the need to cling to social norms really does change ones outlook and leads to a more authentic way of living.
My perfect man is honest, has integrity and behaves ethically. He is passionate about life, travel and adventure. Primarily, he loves, warts and all. Is game to say the difficult things. I don’t care if he can’t use a hammer and doesn’t even want to.
My husband has aspergers and as a consequence he has difficulty with abstracts. I need to be direct and straight forward. Otherwise he would have difficulty interpreting cues and we would have a failed marriage. But by throwing off the narrow gender role, we have a strong marriage. We are an equal partnership.
Also there are many women like me. It is just that you are seeing women through a one way lens and thus missing out on knowing women for the truly diverse group that we are.
Keauntea Dyes
Your right it only takes love and support
Toni
I love this woman. Can I marry you? Lol jk I know your married. I’m 21 and have been trying to find a woman who understands life like you and has like so views. To say the least no luck. I thought I was alone with these type of views and always got made fun of for seeing things this way, so much that I started accepting societies terms and thank God I came across you to remember my initial self. Thank You for typing your comments. But I have a question, how would I approach “you”? per say, how can i know the woman im looking for will see the world like this?
Keauntea Dyes
She believes what you do just in a different way it is good to be yourself.
Bonita
Women that express themselves to men the way that you do are the reason why there is such confusion in gender roles. The simple facts are that men and women are different. If you are comfortable serving every position in your own life, you essentially make your mate obsolete and should probably reevaluate what you really want in a partner anyway. I am all for a woman serving in many capacities because it comes naturally for us. However, I’m not going to cut a man off at the knees and say that every function that he has ever been taught to serve in as a man is now irrelavent. If you truly feel the way you do about his position in your life, then I believe you have depleated his worth. A real self assured man does not have to apologize for serving in his role as a protector, a provider or even a compassionate being. He can be many things as well, but your attitude triggers the lazy man to accept you as the doer and he naturally becomes the overly active receiver. Men are becoming so dependant on women for everything! Please preserve their sense of purpose so that we can instill new faith in their ability to get things done.
Mr SoBo
Welcome to the OM
*rolls out red carpet*
Keauntea Dyes
Your right all it takes is a good person that is supporting.
Cortonio
What are your expectations of a man in regards to this list?….just curious
Ted
Lee, I agree……. I like your thoughts…..
Lee
Had another thoughts I wanted to add. I don’t want a handyman. If a guy likes to fix stuff okay. But it isn’t a prerequisite. What an old fashioned idea. I can fix things myself. I ride a motorcyle as my primary transport, I do all my own motorcycle repairs. I keep snakes and build my own tanks. If my hubby wants to help or I need help, I will ask him. But it isn’t his job because he is THE MAN. If something needs fixing we usually do it together. I believe in sharing the workload. If there is a job to do, we do it together. Being the bloke in no way makes him the work horse of the family. How unfair. We both work full time. I work in management and he is in the Navy. Why should the work fall to him.
If I were to conform to your idea of what women are like I would never have survived being married to a member of defence. I was attracted to my husbands cute rear end, his endearing lack of coordination, his honesty, integrity and passion for removing social inequity.
I know that I am an unconventional woman. But what disturbs me is that your suggestions paint women as a generic group. We are not. There are many women like me. We are strong, confident, loyal and very handy around the house. I can do everything from handling explosives, butchering a cow and repairing a car, to cooking a three course meal for a romantic evening and giving a back massage.
People would be so much happier and have more fulfilling relationships if they were themselves. I certainly know that once I discarded the old worn out social norms, I found my life and my marriage far more satisfying. It is very sad to me to think about the BS that we impose on men and women due to something as benign as gender.
My husband is also very happy. He often remarks how great it is to be in a relationship that is very direct. Freeing, in fact. He laughs aboit how, if I ask him ‘does my bum look big is this?’ I actually expect an honest answer and am not offended by an affirmative. I genuinely want to know. Why the hell else would I ask. Isure as hell don’t want to go out looking all ‘big ass’ 🙂 dammit we women are not all the same and we do not all match some internet profile.
Mr SoBo
@Lee
Unfortunately your points are proving to have very little to do with the article, but serving more as a sanctimonious expression of your personal angst with society. I don’t know what to tell ya at this point.
One thing you have correctly observed is the deliberate superficiality of this article. It pays simple homage to manhood and ‘masculinity’. Nothing more, nothing less. Is it stereotypical? Perhaps. But what the article is not doing is equating masculinity with being a man of substance and character or the glue that will secure a relationship. I’m perplexed as to how you managed to draw that conclusion. Thats quite a sizeable leap of interpretation.
The question we should be asking and answering is, why is masculinity such a threat to your existence?
Your point that we should all look beyond the surface and not allow ourselves to be bound to rigid notions of gender roles is well taken. Personally I agree, but only to a point. There is good reason why the acquiescent, inept male has never been the face of survival for any species, society, nation or kingdom.
Contrary to what you’re suggesting, there is nothing authentic about living in a world with blurred or nonexistent gender lines. That is an unnatural undertaking and I’m confused as to why this is an attractive endeavor to the students enrolled in the school of so called ‘progressive thought’. What is the allure of gender ambiguity? No other species lives that way. Yet here we are advocating for such a society. I’m more interested in maintaining a natural balance, not volleying for position with the opposite sex in my relationship while being shamed into rejecting my own masculinity so that she can feel empowered in her own worth. Why should I make myself small so another can feel tall? No thank you.
In the end the unmistakable physiological differences between male and female (beyond genitalia) tell a profound story of our practical roles to each other as men and women and in society together, so lets not pretend that social constructs are purely some arbitrarily conspired concepts people sheepishly live by.
We are at different ends on this issue, so I will let my POV rest here.
Cheers.
Ted
Lee, again, I support your assertions. I find that people “put a face forward” and find that when I don’t subscribe or reciprocate “the dance” of romance then I am determined to be ‘weird’. I guess IT IS weird to be honest and open and expect that to be reciprocated. The dance of romance is not some product sold in a box at Walmart or transcribed in a “how to” manual. It’s what two people DECIDE for themselves and it is decided by being honest and open to each other. As I read these comments I see (possibly, clearly, for the first time) that a ‘game of love’ has been created and these lists ‘establish’ the rules. I understand the lack of fulfillment I’ve had in relationships because, again, there are no rules (my belief, and saying so only to acknowledge that others might not agree) and that the relationship rules will be constructed through open and honest communication.
This website has been a big help but in a way the author most likely didn’t intend.
Cortonio
Welcome to OM ted.
Jonie
LOL I agree with the whining stuff.. I feel like, when a guy is being whiny like a girl, his manliness is decreasing. Well he could talk to his lady about the problem and they could solve it together, but to whine or just ignore the problem? or just complain and use the blame card? seems more of a boy than a man, and no woman would want a boy :p. Here’s a tip: we want men who are willing to listen and is very reliable but we don’t want those who are actually giving up themselves like a dog for their girls, it’ll spoil your woman and she’ll end up taking you for granted. Please don’t spoil us TOO MUCH, that’s how bitches are born!! (unless you want a bitch, then okay lol). And also, I know guys have their own fashion sense too, and I don’t now to other ladies out there but it seems kinda gay to me (sorry but I can’t help it don’t judge me!) when a man is waaaaay toooooooo conscious about how he should look. well It’s a plus if he knows how to groom himself to look good but not too much! only ladies do that thang! and fakeness is annoying! trust me guys, Looks doesn’t always matter, but how you present yourselves as men. When we want a man, we mean MAN, so man up! :p
nadine
Please add that “strong men” aren’t afraid of self improvement. Just because you don’t mind something you do that’s commonly perceived as rude or gross, or you’ve been doing it all your life with no complaints from your parents, doesn’t mean you should keep doing it. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they should “put away childish things” and sophisticate themselves a bit. No more tantrums when you don’t get your way, (remember that wall you punched, or that chair you kicked or threw?).
No more defecting an issue during an argument when you feel you are loosing (especially when the deflection entails a personal attack). Strong men don’t insult or humiliate their women just to avoid loosing an argument. Personal attack during a debate is my idea of weakness. Once you resort to it, you’ve already lost the argument. If you feel stronger by emotionally attacking your woman, you are a p#$$y.
Also, strong men don’t get defensive when their women make suggestions on their appearance or behavior. Stop thinking that because she wants you to wear a clean or stylish shirt that actually fits, she wants to “change you”. If she wants you to chew with your mouth closed it’s because you can probably benefit from a few social graces (and possibly need to stop embarrassing yourself, and her) not because she seeks to change who you are. If she wanted someone different she would have chosen someone else.
Finally, strong men are decisive men. Don’t hem and haw until she has to decide for the both of you, and then blame or resent her for the outcome. Strong men don’t hide how they really feel, or what they really want, so that they can remain blameless if things in the relationship don’t work out. For example, if you don’t want to move say so. If you don’t want to marry her, say so. Be strong enough to let her go, and be alone if she leaves.
Mr SoBo
I see what you did there Miss. Very clever.
Welcome to the OM.
*Rolls out red carpet*
Keauntea Dyes
Sometimes a women need her own medicine personal attacks most of the time com from girls.
Tidlywinks
I think this list is missing a few things.
First and most:
Do not disrespect your woman. Particularly do not disrespect your woman in front of the kids, in front of other people or for having sex.
This goes back to #7 and #6. Children are better at imitating than at doing what they are told. If daddy beats the kids butt for disrespecting mommy but then turns around and shouts at her or calls her names and tells everyone how stupid their mother is this doesn’t help.
And while I understand everyone gets frustrated and looses his or her temper sometimes, no woman is going to feel safe with her man if HE is the one disrespecting her in public and bad mouthing her because she does things differently than his mommy. If a man releases stress by telling his wife how worthless and stupid she is, she won’t want to be around him or have sex with him for long, and she certainly won’t see his as her protector.
Finally women get judged enough for sexuality as it is. If a woman is going to feel safe getting freaking with a man she needs to know he’s not going to condemn her for it later, or blab about to it to his brother and coworkers and fiends or post YouTube videos or explicit pics online. A man shouldn’t call his wife a cunt or a whore or a bitch
(unless it’s playful and SHE appreciates it) and keep her sexual business with him private. If a woman wants to the entire town to know what she’s like in bed she would be sleeping with the entire town. If she’s with one man she expects the details to stay with him.
That’s the big one. These two are less important but I think a man should be able to cook. Cooking is a great seduction technique, and a guy who can’t scramble eggs or make himself a sandwich is just needy and annoying.
And finally in this day and age I think a man should have a few basic tech skills.
SAHDs are hot. Any buff man who is good with babies is hot.
Finally nobody can do everything. At some point a little humility and s sense of humor will get a man rather than trying to be a he-man. Honestly a white collar man probably with a high salary just isn’t usually going to have the same skills as a man who uses tools for a living and has a job that keeps him buff. At some point it’s better for the CEO to just read the instructions in the IKEA box and for the roofer to just acknowledge his MBA wife makes more than he does.
Mr SoBo
Welcome to the OM.
*rolls out red carpet*
Cortonio
I should have prefaced the article by saying I was going in a little deep and more detailed than the customary behaviors. I assumed don’t disrespect your woman would be a given. However people view disrespect on vast levels. If you point out something to your significant other but not the way THEY want to hear it is that disrespect?
Also I would be remiss if I did’n’t say that I did mention in the article “If you can’t do those for whatever reason you better be able to go out do yard work. Bottom line, your lady shouldn’t be the sole person mowing the lawn, raking leaves, or shoveling snow” So I am giving our brothers an out. If you’re not Bob Vila then the least you can do is shovel and rake, or at the very least do it with the s/o.
Helen
I married a mentally retarded 10 year old girl….he big time fooled me! Told me all kinds of bs, performed like a circus pony for the frist few years…then he had an affair, and devolved into the douche he truly was! It’s been 25 years! Yes, 25 challenging years…I am either a glutton for punishment or have some sort of weird ego need to keep my vows and some twisted need to keep my family in tact. In his abject failure as a husband and father, I have learned to lock the doors each night, use epoxy to fix chipped porcelain, change out interior electrical outlets, change out light fixtures, replace lawn tractor blades, paint, hang wall paper and remove it, use a power washer, clean gutters, trim trees, plant trees/shrubs, trim branches, replace a dryer belt, defrost an icemaker, even assemble furniture, desks, and grills! All because my little girl, I mean my husband is such a lazy useless douche. Every time I want to consider a hit man, I remind myself how my handyman skills would not improve in prison! I try to thank God for my ability to teach myself these things, because I pass it on to my son! In my next life, I will make someone a darn good husband! Did I mention I am also an awesome cook! Just because I married a useless man-child is not excuse not to take care of shit and be my best self! Judgment Day does not scare me! But it should him!
Judy
This is the best analysis on the dos and donts of men not being wussies. I would like to also add spying on a woman whether it be electronically or physically is also a sign of depraved insecurity, weakness and just plain creepy
Mr SoBo
Welcome to the OM.
*rolls out red carpet*
forsakenguys
Getting married in America will not only make you look weak….It will destroy you! Think about it. A man has to get on his knee, present a highly expensive chain link also called a ring. If she accepts, all is wonderful until the Wedding day. That is when the man has to go the the “Alter” like a damn sacrifice. The bride will be given away by her daddy. Then the man will say the magical 2 words (I Do) granting everything to the woman when she files for divorce in 5 years. I Do is the longest sentence in the English language. The idea of sacredness and love will fade when she will be texting old boyfriends because she was bored while the man is woring 60 hour weeks. After the divorce and all family, finances, and sanity has been striped away… Well there is a weak man kneeling on the floor of his shitty 1 bedroom apartment that he can barely afford after child support, spousal support, and lawyer fees.
Cortonio
It all depends on if your woman is loyal an cherishes who you are and what you bring. I’m sure I can speak for some when I say getting married isn’t a sign of weakness, some would say it’s a sign of strength becuase you are willing to commit yourself to this woman for the rest of your life. Some people stand the test of time….while some don’t. And if a woman files for divorce citing irreconcilable differences, chances are that’s what it is. So alimony is out the picture, and if so be the case file a pre-nup. I do believe the laws state that only if adultery is involved then alimony is involved, and if a woman remarries alimony is out the door
Welcome to OM