1. done, made, or conducted without the knowledge of others: secret negotiations.2. kept from the knowledge of any but the initiated or privileged: a secret password.
Men and women all have secrets right? There are just some things out there they just wouldn’t want to share with their beaus. It can be a pre-relationship indiscretion they perpetuated or it could be something potentially damaging to their present relationship especially if it’s newfound. And it could even be something downright embarrassing they are reluctant to share with you.
Some men keep things stashed away in their ‘Mandora’s box’ and will either let it out to a precious few or take it to the grave. Before we begin however, allow me to preface this by stating that none of these things listed are necessarily condoned, but the truth of the matter is these things DO happen. Let’s examine a few.
Down Low Brother
There was an article written here on the 9 Signs He’s a DLB (<-check it out). Although the post did include some funny moments, it is actually quite a serious discussion to be held, especially within the black community. Not only is this risky with the prospect of STD’s (and AIDS) always looming around, it is also selfish. Some men will hide this for years and not utter a word, while some others will cave in to the ‘pressure’ of being gay and decide to ‘step out the closet’. And think of the hurt a woman experiences having found out this information, especially if children are involved. Try putting author Terry McMillan’s experience into perspective.
Fantasizes about other women
This is something that can be easily kept under wraps, however admitting it can also be a deal breaker. Seriously ladies, if your man admitted this to you how would you feel? It could have been a one time thing or perhaps it is something that happens frequently. Who knows? Well at least he didn’t CALL out another woman’s name, right? Juuuusst kidding.
This is pretty much self-explanatory. This act can be a catch 22 because a man feel there are reasons for doing so although it doesn’t make it better or even right. However, one can perhaps understand why some (not all) men creep. This usually stays with said man unless he’s caught in a situation and admits it. Check out this ‘funny’ tidbit.
Has a child(ren) he won’t reveal
Yes, as sad and pathetic as this is, there are men out there that do this. Why would anyone do it is beyond me. I’d rather a man be up front about having offspring and let her decide if she still wants to deal with it. I’ve had some brothas tell me that they’d rather lie about having a girlfriend than lie about having children.
Lost his job
We’ve all seen it in movies. Said husband loses his job and can’t face his woman or family to tell them Christmas or Birthdays won’t be as fruitful as before. Well the cliché “art imitates life” can be no more true than this. Men (generally speaking) can be very prideful; not liking the idea of being ‘caught naked’ in regards to no longer having the means to support themselves or those who depend on them. In fact, I’ve known of a brother who would ride the transit and be out all day just because he couldn’t tell his pregnant fiance’ that he lost his job. It almost wreaked serious havoc in their relationship.
A traumatic childhood experience
Was his father beyond inept? Was he molested or worse raped? Was he physically abused? Did he suffer from a traumatic experience (i.e. seeing a close friend or relative murdered)? While you may wish your man was very open and would share anything with you, this could be a classic example of something he won’t. I can honestly say things of this nature would be very tough to be open about. Some men are not that communicative anyway and situations such as these won’t help matters.
Whether it was fear of embarrassment or another reason, this will be a very hard lock to open. This can also become damaging on a relationship due to the lingering emotional baggage coupled with the mental and psychological toll it may have on a man.
So OM family, these are just some of the few secrets that men keep under wraps. Any others you can add that you’ve heard of? Which of these do you feel are more egregious? And Ladies what would you do if you found out any of these about your man? Leave? Stay? The floor is yours.