10 Things Every Mother Should Teach Their Daughters
In a previous post I wrote, “10 Things Every Father Should Teach Their Sons“, and I thank you all for the feedback. The other day a friend of mine asked, “Cortonio, why don’t you do one on mothers and daughters?” So to not discriminate (LoL) I will do one.
There are so many young women today who wander life aimlessly getting themselves into situations that often tend to prove detrimental. Many of them didn’t have the proper guidance and teaching from their mothers because: (a) they [mothers] had them at a very young age and didn’t know how to fully instill morals and values in their daughters; (b) they probably did just enough without going above and beyond. Just coasting by; (c) they probably didn’t give a fcuk and let the television and other gadgets ‘baby sit’ them.
Whether you are a current mom or aspiring to be a mom someday, here are just a few tidbits I’d like to share. So once again sit back and enjoy this class of “mothering 099”
1. Be a lady
I know many women may have masculine characteristics or are just plain hood rats for no reason. I’m not saying be “squeamish” or “prissy” over things but what’s wrong with being dainty?
Let’s tone down on the profanities, dress the part sometimes (trust me, men love when a woman does it up), and chill with overuse of slang. We need to incorporate some verb-noun agreement sometimes; and while we’re at it, you don’t need to be a lush. Men don’t mind a woman who likes to sip, but when you can out-drink me we have a problem. Beer guts, while not exactly a good look for a man, is unsightly for a woman; so is the prospect of chirrosis later in life. Bottom line on being a lady: know how to be one when you need to be.
2. Be independent
Not that you should go on a Destiny’s Child tirade circa 2000, but if there’s one thing that a mother should instill in her daughter it’s this. She should be financially independent, know how to drive, fix a thing or two, and even strive to own her own home. If you are married or in a committed monogamous relationship, nothing wrong with leaning on your man for some support. However, it should be indoctorinated in your mind that you don’t NEED a man. I know this may offend some people, but living on public assistance is not an option.
3. You’re beautiful
This above all else is to ensure that your daughter doesn’t encounter serious self esteem issues. Let her know at an early age she’s a beautiful person inside and out. That way she doesn’t feel she has to do “things” for guys acceptance, love, or to feel beautiful. It doesn’t matter whether she looks like Gabourey Sidibe (no offense to the sister) or Meghan Good.
In addition, let her know to practice humility with her looks, hence being beautiful on the inside as well; because all it takes is that one unfortunate mishap and her outer beauty is no more.
4. S*x is on my mind; anatomy too
We all know girls develop faster than boys so you may want to sit her down before she even starts asking questions. S*x should be something that is special between two people and be done responsibly.
Talk to her about monthly periods and the complexities of a woman’s body. If/when she does ask, don’t shy away from anything. Be as direct and honest as possible. Let her know that it’s okay to be abstinent until she’s ready, not when he’s ready. It’s not even a bad idea to teach her abstinence is okay until she decides to get married. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin in her 20’s, it’s only society that tells us that it is. Do these necessary things so she won’t get caught up as a teenager and the next thing you know there’s an unwanted pregnancy or worse, an STD.
5. Hygiene
Wash and Deodorant. She must know how to wash, when, and where. She needs to know how to wipe when she finishes using the pink throne. And seeing as though girls hit puberty before boys, this discussion should be done along with the s*x and anatomy. And not that I condone teenage s*x, but I’m sure she doesn’t want to be known as the one with the smelly va jay jay should she embark on it. And besides, nothing turns a man on more than a woman that smells good.
6. Culinary skills
I’m not saying she should be Julia Child but she should know how to navigate her way around the kitchen.
Boiling rice and Ramen noodles alone won’t get the job done. This goes along with the aspect of being independent. Knowing how to cook definitely comes in handy when she has children. I don’t want to know that you’re waiting in line at KFC or Popeyes several times a week. It’s unhealthy, expensive, and most of all just plain lazy. Period.
7. “No” means “No”
Show her how to stick to her guns because she’ll find herself in some compromising situations when she gets older – especially in her adolescence when teens start drinking, experimenting with drugs, and having s*x. “Do not let any man coerce you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Do not succumb to any peer pressure. It’s simple, when you say no, mean it”.
8. Choose men wisely
We all kow experience is the best teacher and you may have to go through a few hoopties before you find your Lexus, but you don’t have to go through that many.
There’s an abundance of sisters out there with multiple children by multiple men because they chose to lay with the first guy who had money, looks, gift of gab, whatever; and in the end, they’re paying for it one way or another. If you are one of these aforementioned women, please teach your daughter the value of finding the right guy and not allowing her to repeat the same mistakes you made. And in no way shape or form should she let ANY man put their hands on her (on the same token tell her to keep her hands to herself as well).
9. Stay clear of drama, especially over men
Don’t fight over any dude, I don’t care how big his ‘johnson’ is, how much dough he has, how cute he is, it doesn’t matter. If your boyfriend sleeps with another woman, chalk it up to the game and let it be. This goes back to rule #3. Remember that you’ll find another guy who is truly genuine. It’s not worth the time or energy throwing blows. On the other hand, don’t sleep with anyone’s man either. Find your own. If you can’t for whatever reason, just leave theirs alone.
10. Know your worth as a woman
This sums up the previous 9 things: Don’t let yourself become just another statistic.
So there you have it current and future mothers. I’m sure you have some to add, so I implore you to do so. We are all in this together as one big community, and at the end of the day (just as there needs to be positive men), women shouldn’t be left out the loop. I hate the term ratchet when it comes to women and hopefully with hard work, patience, and guidance we can teach our daughters to be future role models for other young sisters coming up.
Peace and God Bless
Cortonio
My motto is, "Live, love and laugh". Check me out in the "Men Behind The Pen" section on OpinionatedMale.com.
23 Comments
fourpageletter
LOL at oxtail. that’s hard to master!! im not there yet, but im working on it! (it nuh cheap!)
things i wrote to my unborn daughter:
-do anything and everything (including the things i would never want to know about) before you have babies. this means see the world, make an extravagant purchase,
-you are no less of a woman if you decide that marriage and motherhood are not for you.
-you will be heartbroken. you might break someone’s heart – but never stop believing in love. it actually does move mountains. (and if you are the breaker and not the breakee – do it with kindness).
-karma is real. don’t be a mean girl. cliques are hard to avoid, but the best way to do it is by making a good group of core friends that you can keep and grow with.
-your friendships with women will be educational and life-altering. do not underestimate their importance. but also know that women can be the biggest and worst judges of women.
-you may earn less than a man, but never let any man tell you or make you feel like you are WORTHLESS. (or anyone for that matter)
-the consequences of unprotected sex are REAL and usually end up in the hands of the woman.
-everything you do or say online and in real life, can and will be used against you. by me, your schoolmates, your boyfriend, your best friend, your future employers. so if you have to send a boy a picture of yourself – dont have your face in it.
-use your words. no means no and stop means stop. they should NOT mean anything else.
-know your body best and never hope and expect a man to teach you about your body’s wants and needs. (yes..this is gross…but again.. you’ll thank me later).
-sports or dance. trucks or dolls. blue or pink. it’s up to you.
-your reputation matters. in more ways than one.
Cortonio
good ones indeed, but although i did write the articles i do stress to anyone that it’s integral to have both parents in the home. Although there are some single parents who do both. Glad you liked the article, thanks for th continued support.
fourpageletter
Do you think it’s more integral to have two people who might be unhappy/fighting etc vs the alternative?
While I would never advocate single parenthood – children subjected to divorcing parents fare just as bad
Mr SoBo
Well, any situation is going to be the preferred alternative to that of a volatile household. However, not living together under one roof is not grounds for one parent to usurp the other and assume the majority of parental involvement. At the end of the day, it is integral to have both parents raising a child. They don’t have to be in a relationship or living under one roof to accomplish this. So long as the presence and involvement is there (and uninhibited) for the child, that is all that is needed.
Cortonio
i totally don’t think you should have deuling parents, it’s counterproductive. So yes you’re better off going it alone than have a feuding spouse, but as a whole I do feel it should be a two parent household, but there are exceptions.
fourpageletter
Do you feel the same way if we’re talking same sex parents as well? Just curious.
Cortonio
different strokes for different folks i guess…
Ms. Not-Right-Now
Great post! The only one I don’t like is the independence one. I think [most] black women are already too independent. And the overall message nowadays screaming loudly in the black community from every direction is that she don’t NEED a man. Black women don’t need black men. But in all actuality, we do. We absolutely do! Because having your own house, dream job, and Oprah’s credit score doesn’t quite satiate like we thought. Too much independence drives men away and it exhausts the hell out of us. We should be teaching our daughters [and sons] healthy interdependence instead. So I would instill qualities in her that make her a productive half of any relationship and the importance of both giving and receiving.
Cortonio
Ms. NRN…If I may abbreviate. I agree to an extent but I also feel that in cases a lot of women become too dependent on a man, and when things go wrong they can’t improvise or handle adversity. If you depend on your man to do the lions share of everything and if you guys have kids, what’s going to happen if the unforeseen happens? Besides I’d like my lady to be able to do some things….especially drive. As far as the interdependence, you hit it right on the head because at the end of the day you guys are a team and are supposed to look out for each other.
Ms. Not-Right-Now
I guess I just don’t know too many of those kinds of women–at least not nowadays lol. But I will in no way discredit your account of their existence. I just think women moreso prefer not to do certain things instead of actually not knowing how. I mean I can drive, but I hate doing it. I technically can open a door myself, but I rather you open it for me! Just certain things I’d really only do if my man absolutely couldn’t. I’m sure men have things like that too like cleaning the bathroom or doing a lil girl’s hair lol
Cortonio
You are right a lot of those type of women are becoming extinct, however I do feel it’s imperative to at least know how to drive and cook. I just feel they both come in handy. You don’t necessarily have to own a car especially depending on the city you live in. As fas as opening the door, footing the bill, (not all the time though) things like that are chivalrous, and a man should be able to do that. However what if you are a single mom? or a single woman? that’s where the independence comes in. If you ( women as a whole) can get by simply taking transit and eating take-out or the extreme basics then I gess more power to them
Ms. Not-Right-Now
Right but do we want to PREPARE our daughters for the possibility of being a single mother? I surely don’t. And if she finds herself there, well then she better learn quickly.
Cortonio
you always have to expect the unexpected. Now do I condone “molding” her to think she’ll be a single mom, no. I just feel you should be able to do certain things in case you ARE in a situation where you’re single or a single parent, that’s all.
stac
I understand the being independent one. I was with a man who said he would support me so I basically planned around him.. I would never do that again. Now I am at the point where we are no longer together, and I have vowed to be “self sufficient” for the rest of my life or at least until I am married. There are women living with men that they would never date, but these men are taking care of them so they are there. You can still be an independent woman and submit to your man. He doesn’t have to know how much you have in the bank and everything that you are independent on, all of this doesn’t have to be voiced to him. I don’t know any black women that proclaim to “not need a man”. I know they exist, but just not in circle I guess.
I completely get your point but don’t think women should be walking on pins and needles to get or keep a man. I want a man that is comfortable with me having my own. When a man wants you to be dependent on him, you have a problem on your hands.
Ms. Not-Right-Now
I respect your perspective. It sounds like it comes from a wise place of experience. And I can see the folly of raising a dependent woman. However, I mentioned that I would focus on interdependence. Raise her to know that she should always bring certain things to the table. She should be useful. An asset. Whether it’s during a group project. Or in her relationships with men. Or by herself. But I will not teach her “self sufficiency” and to hide things from her man in an effort to maintain her independence. Because I was raised fiercely independent and it causes problems in relationships which are by definition interdependent. She needs to be ready to do both–receive help and stand on our own.
justmarge
*tears* 😀
glossboss1
I agree completely. A major problem is the lack true femininity. Loudness, aggressiveness, anger, superficiality and masculinity have become the norm for our young women.
Mr SoBo
Welcome to the OM!
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Sherry Spicer
I agree with your assessments, but know that a lot of this wisdom would be more effective coming from the father!
Cortonio
Which one of these in particular do you feel coming from a father would be more effective?
Laura Ryan
I just broke up with my third toxic man. I am staying with my mother and realize that she is part of the problem, though not all. She herself will stay with a man, even to the point where he is not good for her. She does not know how to live without a man. I am getting therapy very soon, and I can bet her behaviors are not helping me in my decisions with men. I plan to break free of this thru strength and therapy, though!
Cortonio
good luck with your future endeavors. Welcome to OM. We have lots of articles for your reading pleasure